Erase Me

Wipe all existence of me from your mind


No pictures, phone numbers, emails delete it all

Far as you’re concerned I was never born

Destined to never have been

Perhaps then you can live a happy life since I am the reason for all your pain

When you kept pointing the finger at me what did you gain?



Erase me from the banks in your memory

The account is overdrawn

Nothing else left for us to see

So I guess I’ll be gone



Those dates never happened

The pictures we took we self destruct at the sound of the beep

Sweet messages never came through due to failure in technology

Distended to never have been

Perhaps then you can live a happy life since I am the reason for all your pain

When you kept pointing the finger at me what did you gain?



Erase me from the banks in your memory

The account is overdrawn

Nothing else left for us to see

So I guess I’ll be gone

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

My Life

Are you ready to understand my world, take a walk through the life I live


Get to know me a little better?

See the constant failures masked with humor while I am crying on the inside

The flashes of brilliant success and what I could be, cloaked by my refusal to accept my destiny

Hiding behind the image I project upon to the outside world

Maybe I’m afraid to let the world see me

Stripped down to the core

Exposed to the world as a whole

Flaws and all

Out of the abyss I crawl

Back topside

Hopefully a new beginning will be about a new life for me

More confidence

A smile that is no longer forced

A head that is finally held high

Thoughts that are more uplifting and positive

Done with negative thinking

Not over cocky but I now know my worth

And you’re not adding to my life I take it as your draining it

People pulled me down for so long I’ve shrunk a couple inches in height

Perhaps my fault

Perhaps I took on others problems and ignored my own

Perhaps I’m just lost and living delusions of grandeur

All I know is this is me now

You must deal with it





You can never fully know me

Because at times I feel that I don’t really know myself

The problems are mine and mind alone to be concerned with

So don’t you worry about them just enjoy your life and I’ll figure out mine

Puppy Love

You broke me


Made me incapable of loving another

My 1st love

Also my greatest failure

Pulling back from other women

That love me too much

Because I don’t want them to hurt me like you

Chasing after women that do me wrong

Treat me bad and have no interest in me

Because they remind me of you

I wonder why I have this jaded view of love

Can’t seem to decipher the good ones from the bad

Then I remember you

The that should be the furthest from my mind

Is always on it

Occupying unpaid real estate

Cupid and that arrow

Intimidate

Me

You were my angel

But when you halo was broken

By the horn perturbing from your head

Sea of love I was swimming to shore

When a shark bit my leg

Fighting off the beast

But what’s the use of fighting

Either I will be eaten or drown

And I see you in a boat above

Watching me fight to come back above water

And you frown

My queen

The one I gave the crown

I always wondered why my relationships tend to fail

Because I haven’t let go of you

Well this is me finally throwing dirt on what we had

Letting it lay in the past

Almost a decade since it ended

No more rebound girls

No more worrying about if I’m moving on

Too fast

Last rites to the memory

That is us

Goodbye



© 2011
All Right Reserved

Blame Game

We just keep going round and round, taking turns hurting each other

Fear of anything else

The pain feels so good….well better than trying to start something new



Game of cat and mouse



I chase you then you get tired and we change positions then next thing you know we’re alone together forgetting all our problems

Only thing that matters is changing to the next position

That’s the only time we’re happy after all

Any other time we’re tearing each other down, picking out flaws



Let’s hit the self destruct on this relationship



If you really want to call it

We never spend time together

You say I don’t make an effort and I say whenever I try to get a word in, you treat me as if I’m bothering you



You can keep blaming me, all the troubles of the world are my fault

Doesn’t matter now..not to me anyway

Keep playing this game for fools and I’ll find someone that actually wants a good man



© 2011

All Rights Reserved

On This Day

Wedding bells, the smell of summer and the accelerated pulsing of my heart…as I arrive to the church


Today is the day, where we become one

After all this time

I take you as my wife and you take me as your husband

Through all the arguments, break ups and tears of hurt

I’ve always know you were the one for me….even though I didn’t often act on it

I am at my best when you are by my side

As we embark on the rest of our lives

The road won’t always be evenly paved and we will encounter rough surfaces that need to be patched

Keep this in the front of your mind

I love you

And til death do us part is something I take serious

Never leaving

My love for you is stronger than any metal forged by man

On this day

We go off into the sun and the remainder of our times will be bright



© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Space Bound

In this empty house I sit alone…..me and my thoughts…..crazy as they might be


Contemplating about ending it all

Kimber 1911 picked up, barrel placed in my mouth, anticipation from the suicide

Uvula blowing in the wind



Tell me why I shouldn’t blow my brains out

Leave fragments of my mind scattered across this room



After all I am dying anyway

Damn letting this disease suck my life force

Too strong for my own good

Never wanting a helping hand

How can they understand

What I am going through

The therapy will leave me weak and there is no way I can ever be the vulnerable



No not me



Not where the public can see



Pride will call me faster than what I am suffering from



Tears rain down my face, soon they will be covered by blood

If only I can just pull the trigger



(Do it)

No I can’t do this

(Do it)

But what about my family….my son, he won’t have a father

(Do it they are all better off without you, just let them take the insurance money….you’re better off dead)

Voices in my head aren’t doing much to help me



Chamber a round, tilt my head back

(This is it)

Hand shaking

(Steady it don’t punk out on me now)

I…….I can’t

(C’MON MAN!)

No I have too much to live for

I know I can beat this and not let it beat me

Praying for my health as I tackle this head on

What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger

And if it should rot my body then when you bury me remember it is buried in that grave site and my soul is spotless



© 2011
All Rights Reserved

Battle of the heart

Inner turmoil, gut wrenching agony, emotions feel my chest cavity……no room left for my heart to beat


I can’t go on any longer loving you

It’s killing me and the process is expedited every time I see your face

This is a war I can no longer fight

The things that these eyes have seen, the blows it has taken…battered, bruised….the blood I bleed

Out of ammo, no coverage from the trees totally exposed in front of you…….stripped of camo

Has been a pleasure to serve in the crusade for love

Even as it appears I am dying today for what I believe in

At least I stood for something

So draw your firearm, as I bow down to my knees leaning forward so that the apex of my head meets the barrel

Arms spread to the side like wings

Hands stretched

Fingers pointed towards my next stop on this journey

Meant to be this way, it was written

I begin talking to my Lord….telling Him soon we will be side by side

Not a tear in my eye, because I know I fought the good fight and did it to the best of my God given abilities

You however did not as it all comes back to you like a bad memory

How I was always there for you and you left me high and dry so many times

Hurts doesn’t it? I know

But you can never kill me with your acts of violence

I was dead before I stepped onto the battlefield

Emotionally speaking

As I have become unhinged

Life isn’t worth living if you won’t accept my heart



© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Black in America

Just to further educate those who may not know on things that have been going in this world that aren't really getting the coverage they deserve I also invite you to take a look at stores for Frederick Jermaine Carter and Oscar Grant......I'm not saying we need to reorganize the black panthers but this is getting insane and we all need to stand up and say this isn't right


Freedom of speech apparently means you can spew racist comments and give subpar apologies for it….that’s if you give one at all


Fascist flunkies

So let me get this straight a few years ago when a “Good ole boy” was in the oval office if we spoke out we weren’t Americans, told to go back to from whence we came

I was born here just like you were Buford!

And I don’t like everything politicians do whether we share the same complexion or not

But I do know out and out bigotry when I see it

The blacked out pictures, the imposing of the faces of primates on the face of our president

Not gonna fly

We weren’t allowed to speak word one back then but fast forward to the present and it’s a totally different story

All the troubles of the world fall on the shoulders of this one man like this all wasn’t set into play 8….maybe even 12 years ago

Worse than the Apollo, America refuses to truly give a brother a chance

No this isn’t just another black man talking about how hard he has it, rather a fellow American just like you that has seen enough if someone doesn’t speak out against these atrocities then who will?

If you want the luster of this country restored we have to work together

We may not like each other and that’s fine but a level of respect must be established

Now are you willing to help or are you going to continue and complain about how things were better before?

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

I Wish

Father I’m grateful for everything let me lead off saying that, but I would like to know why you saw fit to take away my loved ones

I don’t feel that taught me everything they could

Or did you remove them from this plain to teach me a lesson?

Never take anyone for granted, say what you have to say today because tomorrow never comes for some

Pain in my heart

I talk to them in Heaven but not to be rude it’s not the same as being face to face or a simple phone conversation

Knowing they’re in your arms

Wishing they could still hold me when I needed it

A child in granny’s eyes

She never got to see the birth of my child

Show me the tools of the trade when caring for children

And I’m not the only one either

Mom misses you more than she will let on

The pain every holiday, once again realizing that she has to take on her role along with yours

The family ain’t the same

You held us together

Now I hardly go around

Can’t stand how they live and seem to forget the lessons you bestowed upon them, as if you were never here

Guess that’s how they coup with the loss

I just wish you never left us that winter morning…it’s been cold since without your guiding light warming me



© 2011
All Rights Reserved

Stuck

Perhaps it’s my fault for falling so deep for you


Going all in on the first hand…well you called my bluff didn’t you baby?

What else can I do?......I’ve done all I can

What else can I say?.....I’ve said far too much already

Words run together, beginning to sound like a broken record

Actions aren’t noticed for their good only amusement

Here it goes again

My chance to break

Shake off the voodoo…WON’T YOU LET ME FREE FROM YOUR SPELL?!



If I could I would remove you from my mind

Take a drill to my cerebellum so that I will no longer pay attention to the little things that set me on a passionate fire for you

Your smell

Smile

Voice

Brown eyes

How you walk

Reoccurring at this point you’re like the stray cat that I gave milk to once and now you always come back



Remove the fear of letting you go and moving on to unknown of what a new mate may bring



Still trying to prove myself and it’s not getting any easier

You have to work hard for anything worth having but damn, feels like no progress has been made

Take one step forward and you just uproot the path and move it ten miles away from me

I never asked to fall in love with you but that’s the way things shook out

Now are you going to extend your arm to rescue me or will this be my final resting place?

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Somebody loves you

I know our time has passed, you and I are finished and a distant memory in your mind


You may have forgotten but I never did

The good times we shared

How I would anxiously sit by the phone hoping for a call, text or email

Now however I am just a pesky after thought that keeps popping back up

Did you even care? Never felt like the feeling was reciprocated

Not that I was looking for my feelings to be exactly mirrored…..duplicate

Just wishing you didn’t make loving you so difficult…..facilitate

Far from being the easiest person to deal with am I at least tired

Something I didn’t do with others before you, mistakes corrected, learned from the past life lessons reflected

But the one glaring deficiency in my travels has been not being able to get over you

Wish there was some kind of kill switch I could flick

Waking up thinking about you and how you could care less about me

I’m so sick of this shit

Deprived of vitamin L……..lack of love is slowly killing me

Even through it all I still remain faithful to you

When I get approached about potentially starting a new I just tell them how I’m waiting on the girl I love to come back….she just went away for a while but she’ll be back

As I sit on the dock of the bay

The manifestations of all my emotions come to a head and I still love you



© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Tears

Laying in the bed three o’clock in the morning, pillow saturated


Because of me

Affection abandoned, love lost, having hate……over what I did to you

Crying at the thought of the memory of us

Just when you think you've gotten over...... it seems like I pop back out like a mole

Grounded

Wings rendered useless

Gravity baring down now unable to regain footing

Feelings of when the one you love no longer loves you

Look at your face but you look way

I’m dead to you I suppose

Not even wanting to hear a word I have to say

I speak, you give me a dry “Hey” if that

The design of your hatred

The one you thought was the one

I turned out to be just like the others

Feelings are like a facet that you never fix, just keeps leaking…….never ending, impossible to turn off

Wishing it would rain but the sun is out and will show the rough night that you’ve had

All because of me…….I’m sorry for the pain and the hurt

I love you and even though it’s too late now I finally appreciate everything about you

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Sounds of love pt.2

As the title says this is part two to this poem right here

Continuing from before, you're tapping out and being the bedroom bully I am I demand more!


Crawling out of the bed for escape, that's ok I'll just take you on the floor

Just put the head in then the shaft follows

Plunging in, swallowed whole

Injected with my love, better than any drug known, and its legal too.....so you can have all you can stand

Call me Thor what was calm water flowing is now a down pour, flash flood warning......gonna have to dry out the carpet later

Your legs shaking, entered repeatedly from behind, clitoral walls tighten, as I continue to barrel through the resistance

“You ok baby? “

Out of breath, mouth open but no words part

Just hands banging on the floor, feet kicking up and down

Grab your hair, come closer to me....I wanna tell you something

Kissing on the neck, then softly bit the ear lobe.....on to dirty talking to you

“Relax……Daddy got you”

“Don’t you run I know its intense but after so many times you’re get used to it”

Hours on end, staying strong never letting up on you

Addicted to you and I don’t want rehab

Night turns into day, stamina going strong………outlast

You just lay here baby I’ll go make you some breakfast

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Nobody knows it but me

I keep thinking about things I will leave behind, the smiles I won’t be able to see, the faces that bring me so much joy only fading memories now


I look at myself wasting away

Everyone wondering what’s wrong I tell them I’m fine and everything is great



I’m lying



Terminal illness only a certain timetable for people like me to live

Doctors say it will take a miracle of modern medicine to save me



I will not be afraid



The prospect of death used to frighten me

Terrified of the thought that I won’t wake up one day

But now……



I know the Lord has me



My family and friends please forgive me for not telling you of my sickness, wasn’t my intention to deceive you I was only trying to spare you the worry about me

I am fine no need to worry, is what I tell them

As I lay here dying



And nobody knows it but me

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

Something's wrong

We’ve seen the news……everyday something new, natural disasters, bodies going to their final resting places

Education system failing out children, but the blame can’t go completely on teachers since it starts with home

Used to have to watch out for the police harassing me when I’m driving a nice car now though

Head on a swivel, looking out for people that look like me

Jealousy so they want to take my life to bring more material things to theirs

Why?........

NO BROTHER I WANT TO KNOW WHY?!

I have a family that will miss me if you take my life

Leave me here in this street, in a pool of blood wondering why we do what we do

Black on black violence, the new ethic cleansing

Willie Lynch was right after all we turn on each refusing to let the next one run the race we choose to trip him

Even if that means someone from the other side wins

(C) 2011

All Rights Reserved

With you

Build up, waiting to be alone with you

Anticipation on what I will do
Upset when I wake up from the dream of being with you

My dream girl I would give up this simple life to spend eternity in Heaven with you

I feel like God brought me to this place in life so that I would be the best man I could be to you

Sunrise, not a cloud in the sky…but my day is gloomy when I’m away from you
Don't smile until I see that good morning text from you
Addicted to you and this euphoria you bring I won’t stop til you’re my wife and I can spend my life with you
I know we had our times that left a sour taste in your mouth

Open wide, the love I have is sweet for you

Kamikaze sessions, when we’re alone….couldn’t get away if I wanted to…….surrounded by you
Tried those other girls but when I was with them the only constant thing on my mind was you
They’re cute but they’re not flawless and effortlessly beautiful like you

You’re understated presence no need to speak when you come on the scene all the men are fighting to get attention from you

Bended knee now I would be honored to stand at the altar with you

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

I'll always come back to you

Pardon my voice folks I kinda lost it :(

What to say? I miss you starting off, never knew how much I cared until the day that you stopped caring about me

Sad that it had to get to this point

Wonder how stupid I look from the outside loving you, when you don’t love me and have moved on away from the pain I put you through

Started to send a text but didn’t want to thumb out that many characters

Next thought about an email but how would I word it?

And a phone call is out the window……too much of a coward to get an immediate retort

So here I am writing more poetry to you

This time it’s a letter asking for forgiveness, hope I’m not making a public spectacle of myself



I want you back

You should’ve been my wife

I was too young to realize that, wanting to play around not being thankful for my dream girl

And that’s when our relationship turned into a nightmare

Our union would’ve been the thing of legends



But you don’t want a part of me



I promised you I would care for your heart like it was mine then I was ever so careless with it and now you can still see the cracks in it after rebuilding

Don’t let this be the end of us, the more I try to get away the more I stay

A magnetic for you and all you wish to do is repel me
This can’t be the way we end.........

© 2011

All Rights Reserved



Lessons

I used to wonder why you were so hard on me


Asking the same questions that I used to ask about my mother when I got home

But I quickly learned that over the years, just like her….you saw something great in me?

You were one of the last real educators, that actually taught students and not just supervised as they sat and left them to figure it out on their own

Glad that we forged a friendship

Took me a while to see it but you weren’t applying pressure to me because you wanted me to fail

You were doing it because you knew I had what it took to succeed

We rarely talked after I graduated but I made sure to thank you every time we crossed paths as adults

Now you’re in heaven, soul blessed

You’ve taught me well and I will pass life’s test

Another guardian angel looking down from above

Great teacher, besides the ins and outs of textbooks you taught us love



© 2011
All Rights Reserved

Chains n' Things

Woke up this morning feel like I’m a ground hog


Life used to be a dream now it’s a nightmare

Came outside to all my tires being flat along with the spare under the car

Why do I attract crazy?

Had to ride the bus to work, youngsters trying to be hard but I’m mad at their parents for not putting a stop to it all

Underpaid at my job but they keep piling on the workload, threatening to find someone who will do the same amount of work without the complaining

Government saying they’re gonna shut down, people from both wings and those in between acting like fools

Forgetting the work for you and I

I wish I could just leave it all behind but where would I go

Can’t run away from my responsibilities

Life of a beaten down man

My son’s mother talking about how I don’t do enough for her but she’s always in my pockets while she blows her check on partying

I just can’t seem to shake this funk in my life

Shackled down forever I suppose



© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Sounds of love

Moaning


Heavy breathing

Groans



Some of the things I hear

When you and I

Are intertwined



All day I’ve been thinking of



My tongue running down your spine



Leaving no area of your body untouched



You give me such a rush



I get off from getting you off

Unselfish lover



I like it when I am

Getting a lay of the land

In the neather region

You grab the sheets

Pull back

Trying to escape

As I grip my strong hands

Around your thighs

Five toes press into my back

The other five are on the wall
I notice your pedicure

The color clashes well with your skin tone



Love juices squirt out onto my face

Only makes me dive back into the pool for more



Call me greedy



You got that good stuff

That all the guys want

But I am determined to make you mine

Fiend for you



Or should I say I’m needy……….



I’m not done with you yet

No baby we’re far from through

I have more epic ecstasy in store for you

In part two



© 2011

All Rights Reserved