Welcome Back & Podcast Details

What's going on good people?

I know its been a while since I posted on this blog but I wanted to let everyone that it's back on!  I will start posting poetry again soon but in the mean time check out my podcast Life of Logan.

The show can be found on Google Podcast, Spotify, Breaker, Castbox, Pocket Casts, Podbean, RadioPublic & Stitcher (working on itunes).  I would really appreciate it if you would give it a listen and if you like what you're hearing please like, comment, share and subscribe.

Dream Sequence

Dream Sequence

The room is dimly lit

Sweet aroma encases me

My heart rate increases

Carnal desire intensified

All senses are being touched

We enter…another realm of passion

Enthralled in one another

Kissing, holding, tasting

Seems too good to be true

And as the alarm goes off and wake up to an empty bed, I realize it was just a dream

© S. Logan

2014

Her

 She cares for me

Corrects me when I’m wrong

With her I can be emotionally nude

She brings heaven to the ground

While all I do is raise hell

She is the best thing that happened to me

While I am the worst

She lifts me up

I drag her down

She smiles

I frown

So why do I continue to commit these acts knowing that they are wrong?

Simple but complex

My heart is so used to suffering that once I get a taste of the good life I pull away

Frightened  that my good thing will be taken away from me again

So I mentally prepare myself with my actions

I don’t deserve her…what happens when she finally realizes it

(C) S. Logan

2014

Just Because

I’ve learned love from you

More than I knew I could love anyone outside of my child

You’ve been in the trenches with me

Stood beside me even when you had ever right to leave

Assisted me with battling my demons

Never known anyone that gave more than took

Unfathomable, a life with you

Feast or famine with this one

I can’t go back to being your best friend again

Things fall apart I know but as long as we’re not fighting one another to stay rather we should be using our combined strength to keep the outside at bay

I finally know what it’s like to be in love

….thank you for loving me

© 2013

Steve Logan

The Vent

I'm struggling to keep my sanity
Finally became best friends with God but in doing that the devil became a mortal enemy
I sit alone shaking trying to regain control
Having trouble focusing
Lord I think I'm finally losing it
I'll be the reason my own greatest fear comes true
Loved ones alienated
My mind incarcerated
Soul incinerated
My life abbreviated
My self I hate it....
Confessions of a maniac depressant
Ticking time bomb
The countdown has begun

(C) 2013
Steve Logan

The Bite Marked Heart

Glassed over look has replaced my normal intense stare

While smiling thinking of the moments we've shared

Each time is better than the last

What did you do to me?

Did you put something in my food?

I am caught in the rapture of you…..of love

My life has never been this good

Air is sweeter

Sun is brighter

The nights are not as dark and cold as they were once before

You are safe in my grasp

Bitten by you

My heart is now in overdrive

I see the light at the end of the tunnel

And my wife is standing at the end….waiting

You won’t have to wake too long for me baby, I am on my way.

Steve Logan

©2013

#2 of 30

There Ain’t No Grave

I’ve walked around thinking that I was living the life

When in actuality I would’ve been better off dead

No this isn’t another suicide poem or one my ramblings of how I hate my life

To the contrary this me being reborn

Releasing my past

Laying down in the graveyard at night and awakening not only in a new day but with a new outlook on life

As the warmth of daybreak covers me I hear trumpets sounding

A call to arms

I stand waiting to glide into the sky

My wings have not sprouted yet

I am late for the sky….

Heaven has been right above me for years and seems like it is close but a long walk

Am I ready for the journey?

No one said this would be easy but then again anything worth having comes with a price

Is it really that much to ask for me to give up these worldly aspirations?

The reward is higher than the risk

For I will have eternal life

Rather than continuing to take out payday loans on my soul

Because when judgment day comes I will need to pay in full, no installments, no written off accounts

I am ready

Do with me what you will Lord

I am yours

© 2013

Steve Logan

Sunshine

The darkness no longer wins

As the clouds begin to break as the rays eradicate the gloom

I wave goodbye to my dark side and the feeling of impending doom

Smile is genuine these days; I’m showing more of it

Laugh is hearty now; I’m bellowing it out at every turn

My light has returned

Exhilarated to awaken in a new day

Elated to walk in Christ’s way

Gleaming through the eyes

Head to sky

Lord thank you for life

-Steve Logan

© 2013

Untouched Stones

Been learned when you hold them up to high, it just makes the drop worse

Heard stories about how curiosity killed the cat, to bad for that inquisitive feline

Never did I have to go searching for the acme anvil, it always dropped on my head from out of the blue

Not a depressing individual but I know people will lie to protect themselves

Shielding those dark secrets

What you don’t know can’t hurt you

Questions posed

Just because answers are given doesn’t mean I have to ignore the stench of fecal matter lingering

I see you

I refuse to let this happen to me again!

I will not give me heart up to someone just for them to hurt me

Love is a battlefield

So as we hover above earth on the war world I am doing everything I can to preserve life

Ducking, dodging….tucked rolls with my heart firmly clinched in my hands

I blow the air lock; I would rather die to sacrifice my love again on someone that is unworthy

Found what I was looking for

But it doesn’t matter

Not like I am going to leave

I’m a graduate of the Bobby Womack School of heartbreak

I’m in love and I’m hung up

Can’t help it

I love her and she seemly loves me, or maybe she is just the best actress I’ve ever met

Getting to the point that I think about her stepping out on me even when we hit the mattress

Gotta smh at myself

While she is probably lol’n at me when my back is turned

I’m not perfect but I’m worth it……I thought you were perfect until past sins surfaced….

My heart is crying tears that refuse to reach my eyes

Conditioned myself a long time ago to embrace the fact that relationships are full of shit

Though I continue to take chances I’m not as reckless as I was before

Psychologically I am battered and bruised….just look my sores have developed sores

Illusions of what we could’ve been

Delusions of grander of a life I will never know

I am not cut for the cloth that can sustain healthy interactions with others past a pre determined amount of time

I thought I had finally gotten past this

….actually meant it when I told people I was doing fine

That turned out to be a lie

© 2013

Steve Logan

Years of Tears (Hurt)

For as long as I remember I've hated myself
Even as a child, through my adolescent years and even into adulthood
The new found love I have is still not enough to keep the demons at bay
The depression seemingly comes out of no where
I want to break the face of the man in the mirror
I've worn a mask for years, it's called a smile
Even trained my eyes and contoured my face to keep up the lie
Now it's harder
Lord I'm so tired
I cry every time I get a private moment
I know life will get better eventually.....I don't think it can get any worse
Botched suicide attempts
Addiction to self destruction
Maybe the drugs will take me

Silently screaming

Help

Or just listen to me
Don't call me crazy when I tell you that my mental health is deteriorating

I'm broken inside
I fear my wounds have been open too long and are far too severe to be repaired

Tomorrow will be a replay of the same and I will place my armor on and keep fighting my demons......waiting for the trumpet to sound......the Calvary has arrived

(C) Steve Logan
2013

My Life

As I take a look at my life I’m not sure what to make of it

Recent events have given me hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train

For those who’ve thought that I was Superman there were wrong

Clark Kent has no hope of being faster than this locomotive

Battled addiction, depression and even fought God on the right path for my life

Crazy I know

But now I believe

I have peace of mind

Smiling bigger and brighter

Passed my trial by fire, I am battle tested but I know my days being at war for my soul are far from over

The devil keeps baiting the hook and there are times I honestly want to leap and grab the forbidden fruit

My life is not for the weak of heart

If you knew the thoughts that go through my mind

The things I’ve done behind closed doors, you may look at me different

Suicide is a lucid thought

Seeing myself swallow that bottle of pain killers

Envisioning myself hanging from the ceiling via a noose

I can still hear the click of the gun as it held it in my mouth with tears streaming down my face

The cocaine binges ensure that with each bump taken another year of my life is sacrificed

I was saved, put away to see another season

I was found on the bathroom floor and rushed to the hospital to have my stomach pumped

The beam which I hung myself from turned out to not be load bearing and I ended up on the floor

I lost at Russian roulette I thought but I really won in the game of life

And after a year of erratic behavior I finally got the help I needed in rehab

I am not perfect, nor do I clam to be

I refer to myself as a flawed individual created by an ideal being

My life has had it’s twist and turns

Moments where the audience stands up and clears

While also providing tear jerking scenes

I am sure some of the patrons have walked out on the show thinking they know how it will all end in tragedy

You would be wise to stay seated and pay close attention because soon the burst of light will become a solar flare that will fill the screen.

© S. Logan

2012

Daughters

She grew up watching her mother get mistreated

Saw how this strong woman accepted it

Always stayed with her abuser until they tired of her

Then it was on to the next combatant

A believer that a piece of a man is better than no man at all

These men would be her father figures

Even the real pappy came around every now and then, not to see her but to get his jolly’s off with momma

When he first arrived it was all love

He would fill her head with promises he had no intention on keeping

She would buy what he was selling

Then he would go into the room with mom

Blissful moans would fill the air for a few minutes

Then followed by snoring

Made her feel as if she would have her family back together finally

Knowing that the silence would be broken once he had awaken

Another argument

“DADDY DON’T GO!!”

She screams clutching his leg as he walks out the door

As she sits there face in her hands

She peers at mom out of peripheral vision

As she sparks another cigarette tears rolling down her face

Scrolling through her phone

Looking for another to fill the void of love she is missing due to never learning to love self

Some role model right

The years pasted

And this girl grew to be a young lady

Not confident and never received the love that her friends did from their parental units

Went out into the world and begun seeking it from others

The more you fight with her the more she foolishly thinks you care

I had the misfortune of crossing her path

But I didn’t take the bait

She told me I wasn’t worth anything and never spoke to me again

Sad really when you think of it

The sting from a punch meant love but the gentle caress of a hug she took for weakness and someone trying to pull a fast one on her

Could blame her parents but at this point she is way too old

At some point I pray she learns better

But after many trips to the ER to patch up her broken body I fear only the grave will show her the error of her ways 

No Love

I think about how what we had wasn’t the best I but it was perfect to me and I was good with it

Then we complicated the procedure with all the relationship

She was my best friend then we started screwing

Said it was just for the moment

The single life had beaten us both down

Tired of playing the games and wanted to satisfy sexual needs without the hassle of meeting someone new

Put it down so good on one another that the thought of officially being together slowly made its way into our minds

The door was open

What was once in the back of our minds had made it to the front

The first thing I thought of in the morning was her

And she thought of me

Sent “Good morning baby” text messages concurrently

No titles would be given

But sometimes you just want to feel like you belong

Not that you’re a possession, but more than just a piece of the puzzle

Initial attraction is always the catalyst

Eventually want to encompass all senses of that person’s affection

She got tired of the run around

Said I had forgotten our friendship

We no longer had deep conversations anymore

Just me kissing and undressing her as she talked about the ups and downs of her life

I had let myself get lost in the sauce

Downgraded her from one of my best friends to Miss New Booty

Obtained another notch on my bed post but the risk was higher than the reward

Now no love is to be found

Lost it all

Lost her…..

Lost my one true love…

-S. Logan

2012

Ordinary Love

Can’t even look you in the face

Don’t want to deal with the shame of what I let go

So I choose to stay as far away as possible

You always were my angel so the space is your halo

I could just say sorry, apologize for the wrong I’ve done

What would that do? 

You wouldn’t believe me anyway

Remember the last time that I could you this was the last time I was going to do you wrong?

I wouldn’t expect you to think this time I’ve changed

Still been keeping tabs on you through mutual friends that don’t treat me with distain due to the way I treated you

I admit both times I was a shell of a man

Love isn’t a game

Had no right to play with your heart

Wasn’t even worthy to hold it up

Hands got shaky

Blame it on the drugs they had me geeking

Nerves on the ends of my fingers started tweaking

One of the words most beautiful jewels in the palms of my hands

Many told me it resembled a precious ruby when held to the light

Wouldn’t you know I had to go and fuck things up just like I always do

Third time’s the charm but I’ll spare myself the disappointment I won’t try to invade what I am sure is now the fortress that is your heart

Shopping at the store of the ones who have had love and lost it

And everything in here is in my size

-S. Logan

2012

House Guest

Started out leaving by midnight so I could go home and change clothes

Next thing you know I am bringing overnight bags

Then you told me I could have a drawer

From the drawer I got closet space

Then next thing you know I am moving my own furniture in

Even put my name on the lease when it came time to resign

We shacked up a for a while

Then one Wednesday after work we made a trip to the courthouse

No family

No friends

Just us

We didn’t even change out status on facebook

We knew how we felt about each other, that’s all that mattered in the end

We had our ups and downs much like all relationships

However due to our already established friendship and trust in God we weathered through the storms Satan sent our way

As the years went on the love seemingly withered away like an uncultivated plant

Date nights became just like all the other nights…..lonely
Candlelit dinners aren’t as romantic when you’re staring at an empty chair

Just wanted a little of your time but now you’re out with the girls every night

Doesn’t matter if I need corrective lenses or not I can tell something is amiss here even with my hindered sight

I was starving for affection, craving love, missing the connection that was us

So much like most males I gave in, didn’t take much bait for me to lunge for the hook

With a bat of the eyes and a smile it rekindles a flame inside of me that I only thought you had the lighter to

Not accustomed to being unfaithful so I was sloppy with the evidence

Suppose I wanted to you to find out so I could quickly come clean about my dirty dealings

Couldn’t even imagine the look in your eye when you found out

Waiting for you to come home

Pacing the floor, looking at the ceiling

You walk in with a look of disappointment on your face

Then gave me a smile, the last sight I saw made it harder than the final curtain falling

Gunshot to my chest, now our home is my final resting place.

- Steve Logan

2012

Closing Statement

I’ve presented my case

Now it’s in your hands to have the final say on my fate

As I lay here in this hospital bed I am in a coma though my soul is overseeing it all

Sitting here on a cloud with the number nine carved into it

Pleading with the Lord

Asking him to stop going through the pages of my life with red ink

I know that I should’ve done more

I am aware that I had great potential inside of me but kept pushing it down because I was scared to step into the light

If you let me come back from the dead this time it will be different

What about my son?

He’s still a child I have so much more to teach him

If nothing else I could tell him about all my transgressions so he knows to not follow the same path of his dear ol’ dad

Father knows best my ass

Oh sorry, forgot I was sitting here with you Father

Speaking of fathers why did you have to make my biological one who he was?

I never walked a day in his shoes but I feel as if I am able to judge him in some way

Yes I am a lair, a cheat and have been known to be a junkie in certain circles

But at least I never walked away from my own

Don’t look at me like that please

You know I never imagined that you would disapprove of my life as a whole like this

Have I shamed you that much?

Do you wish you never created me?

Am I the fallen angel who haunts you?

Wings are given at birth it is up the wearer to keep them intact so that when they are called home to be with the King of Kings

As the feathers began to shed many years ago I ignored them and continued on with my foolish ways

Dirty deeds

Secret sin

Should’ve known better than to try and hide anything from you right?

So what’s the end game here?

Am I done?

Should I stop wasting my breath?

He looks at me

Shakes his head

Then says, “You bring up good points and I’ve blessed you to be a thinker besides death would be an easy answer to this solution…you have been granted a stay of execution”

- S. Logan

2012

Me and the Devil

We’ve had an unspoken pact it appears

I’ve mortgaged out my soul so many times I don’t even know who the current owner is

Real estate has been rented in my mind

No room for logic

My heart grows everyday attempting to overcompensate for my evil thoughts

I hear a faint voice telling me I can still break free

I hear the Holy Spirit calling me

Saying I can leave behind my ways

I can become one with my Father

I can be myself

No pretending

For I am accepted for whom I was created to be

Sin and all

I will fight my way out of the fortress of the devil

LUCIFER YOU CAN NOT CHAIN ME!!

I will mow down the hoards of minions you send my way

I will dig my way out of this hole

Lord throw me a life line

I am looking for a sign to let me know that you haven’t given up on me…..

I offer myself up to you

-          S. Logan

2012

Blue Skies

Sound of the alarm

Welcome to a new day

New voices listen up we got something to say

Concerned with being true to self

Not drawing the attention of the masses

Grind and making a new for your is the only task

In layman’s term get off your ass

We can all agree the world is dark enough

So be the light to help your people see

S. Logan

2012

Crescendo

I don’t want to waste your time anymore than I already have

I have no plans for you

I don’t know even know what I want in a woman

Let alone what to do with a good one like you

Stop waiting for me

I’m not worth it

I know this may hurt but nothing can compare to the years I’ve played with your heart

Release therapy

Addition by subtraction

After all this time of playing cat and mouse

Letting go of this sham what we call a love is our only course of action

Perhaps I should’ve made it official with you back then

Remember when?

We first met?

I wasn’t ready still had to get my whoring out of the way

Now I’m sitting here a different man today

Gone are my needs to always have a woman any woman laying in the bed with me

I’ve grown…but in all the time of just finding Ms. Fat Booty, I’ve neglected figuring out the traits that I want in a soul mate

My fault

My bad

You only wanted me for close to a decade

Now I am ready to turn my back on everything we’ve ever had

Don’t wait for me please

Turn and walk away

This time don’t look back……

-S. Logan

2012 

DMZ

We were better off staying on our own land
Had no business bringing relations into our relationship

Now lines have been blurred

Torn between fleshly needs and fighting to not give up the friend we’ve found in each other

Knowing that together we can never be

Due to my past….or should I say the people in it

Hey we’re both grown

Knew what we were coming to do

Could be something special on the horizon but I’m not the type to beg or force

We can keep it going

Do whatever you want

Keep having our occasional dinner dates

I’ll bring the grade A meat

You keep providing the sweet dessert

-S. Logan

2012

Rerun (Love Programming)

Keep flipping through channels but nothing new is on

Same ole shows

Same ole star…..me

I keep trading hearts in for new models like beaten down cars

I could care less about taking heed of how long the engine lasts

Not looking for 300,000 miles

I plan on racking up as many joy ride laps on this thing I can then discarding it

No worries

Call the tow truck

We got another

Let me turn in these keys

No need for them anymore

No need to be sitting here anymore

Time to get off my ass

Experience new things

Meet new people

My way is no way

Fuck this tv!

S. Logan

2012

Falling In Love with a Angel

You get me high

Make believe I have wings

Never had an experience quite like the one I have when I am with you

Everybody says you have control over my mind

They could never understand the bond we’ve forged

I’d do anything for you

Lie for you

Steal for you

Even got my ass whooped a few times for you

Hallucinations overtake my eyes

Mirages of you telling me to come near even when you’re not remotely close to location

Need a compass

A zeta beam can teleport me to your exact latitude longitude and we can pick up where we left off

Loving so good I had to get it in vials just to keep my cravings for you at bay when I can’t have you

Your joint is a killer

I want to dip my happy stick in you

…..Now it’s wet

Toe tag me baby

I’m down for the count

Numb in the proceeding moments following our encounters

Intoxicated

Staggering

Unsteady

Slurring my speech even

Friends asking me why eyes are bloodshot

The memories of you alone are enough to make me lose balance on command

Get it too good might have to call the EMTs

Remember last time?

I was laying in the middle of the kitchen floor having convulsions because you gave me a high dose of your love

Putting my hands on you

Normally I’m not aggressive but I don’t want you to go

Unusual type of love indeed

Nothing holy about it

You’ve just an account of addict

Angel dust

S. Logan

2012

Dirty Laundry

Love only works when both parties share it
All my life I was told it's ok for a man's eye to wander
Occasionally even sample
But they were wrong
Stepped out
Brought it home
Doctor gave her the results back
No she didn't get special delivery....the package
But my jumpoff came up pregnant
Kept the ultrasound photos in my pocket
Wifey found them while washing my clothes.....this is the end for her and I

S. Logan
2012

The Man Who Knew Too Much

Pride myself on being a man that knows what women want

How they like to be touched

Kissed

Caressed

Just what to say and when to say it

Which things in the bed will drive her crazy

Eyes rolling

Screaming so loud she’s lost her voice

Involuntary muscle spasms in the pelvic region

Legs begin to shake uncontrollable

What good that did me right?

I’m more alone than I ever been

Should’ve focused on a friendship

Before wasting someone’s time in another nowhere relationship

 God….

I know where I went wrong

……

I should’ve had You involved in this

S. Logan

2012

Intervention

So let me go ahead and admit this

I'm an addict

When it comes to you

You have me doing things that I've never thought I would

Taken me to places I've never imagined I would go

Even though you share a love....shared vows with him under God.....I can't stop

I've crossed lines that Satan himself wouldn't

But I don't plan on stopping anytime soon

You’ve got a hold of my soul

Maneuvering me in whatever direction you wish

I get the shakes

When I am away from you for too long

The smell of your perfume

Lingers on my collar

Reminding me of our latest rendezvous

I've got to get over this

Get you out of my mind

Though it's been many months since I've last had you....I still fiend 

S. Logan

2012