Coming From a Broken Home

I don’t have any memories of ma and pops dancing to old songs

Only thing I remember is moms crying

Wondering how she is going to raise a man on her own

We made it and times weren’t easy

Nobody said it would be

Looking back on it I am glad

Always had food on the table

Nice clothes on my back

Some of the gear I was rocking not even kids from two parent households had that

With a much respect as I have for my mother

I grew just as much anger and hate for my father…..

No to call him father would be an insult to me and all the others who actually are a part of their children’s lives

The ones that are more than just a check in the mail

I’m talking attending sporting events, musical recitals, parent teacher conferences

How could you sleep at night not knowing that something you brought into this world wasn’t ok

That’s not a man

And it’s not a woman’s place to teach a boy how to grow into manhood

Yet so many have done so

Black men my senior talk about how so few from my generation and under aren’t men

May because many moons ago you the original black men left your families to fend for themselves

Grand fathers, uncles, older male cousins and the new man in momma’s life stepping up to the plate

But where is the sperm donor at?

At somewhere ducking the state to avoid at least financing the life that he had a hand in making

But what good is the money?

Doesn’t you child deserve a little time?

I shouldn’t of had to watch you my father come into my life every 3 – 4 years stay around for a weekend just for you to disappear again

Do you have any idea the nights I cried?!

How I thought it was my fault?!

HOW I BLAMED MYSELF FOR YOU LEAVING US?!

I know it’s wrong

But I hate you so much

I can never truly be one with God as long as I carry this with me

And I pray everyday that one day I can forgive you…

You’ve done nothing to deserve it

Though in a strange way I feel sorry for you old man….

I really do

You signed the birth certificate and we share the government name but I promise I will never be anything like you

© 2012

Steve Logan