Dream Sequence

Dream Sequence

The room is dimly lit

Sweet aroma encases me

My heart rate increases

Carnal desire intensified

All senses are being touched

We enter…another realm of passion

Enthralled in one another

Kissing, holding, tasting

Seems too good to be true

And as the alarm goes off and wake up to an empty bed, I realize it was just a dream

© S. Logan

2014

Her

 She cares for me

Corrects me when I’m wrong

With her I can be emotionally nude

She brings heaven to the ground

While all I do is raise hell

She is the best thing that happened to me

While I am the worst

She lifts me up

I drag her down

She smiles

I frown

So why do I continue to commit these acts knowing that they are wrong?

Simple but complex

My heart is so used to suffering that once I get a taste of the good life I pull away

Frightened  that my good thing will be taken away from me again

So I mentally prepare myself with my actions

I don’t deserve her…what happens when she finally realizes it

(C) S. Logan

2014

Just Because

I’ve learned love from you

More than I knew I could love anyone outside of my child

You’ve been in the trenches with me

Stood beside me even when you had ever right to leave

Assisted me with battling my demons

Never known anyone that gave more than took

Unfathomable, a life with you

Feast or famine with this one

I can’t go back to being your best friend again

Things fall apart I know but as long as we’re not fighting one another to stay rather we should be using our combined strength to keep the outside at bay

I finally know what it’s like to be in love

….thank you for loving me

© 2013

Steve Logan

The Bite Marked Heart

Glassed over look has replaced my normal intense stare

While smiling thinking of the moments we've shared

Each time is better than the last

What did you do to me?

Did you put something in my food?

I am caught in the rapture of you…..of love

My life has never been this good

Air is sweeter

Sun is brighter

The nights are not as dark and cold as they were once before

You are safe in my grasp

Bitten by you

My heart is now in overdrive

I see the light at the end of the tunnel

And my wife is standing at the end….waiting

You won’t have to wake too long for me baby, I am on my way.

Steve Logan

©2013

#2 of 30

Untouched Stones

Been learned when you hold them up to high, it just makes the drop worse

Heard stories about how curiosity killed the cat, to bad for that inquisitive feline

Never did I have to go searching for the acme anvil, it always dropped on my head from out of the blue

Not a depressing individual but I know people will lie to protect themselves

Shielding those dark secrets

What you don’t know can’t hurt you

Questions posed

Just because answers are given doesn’t mean I have to ignore the stench of fecal matter lingering

I see you

I refuse to let this happen to me again!

I will not give me heart up to someone just for them to hurt me

Love is a battlefield

So as we hover above earth on the war world I am doing everything I can to preserve life

Ducking, dodging….tucked rolls with my heart firmly clinched in my hands

I blow the air lock; I would rather die to sacrifice my love again on someone that is unworthy

Found what I was looking for

But it doesn’t matter

Not like I am going to leave

I’m a graduate of the Bobby Womack School of heartbreak

I’m in love and I’m hung up

Can’t help it

I love her and she seemly loves me, or maybe she is just the best actress I’ve ever met

Getting to the point that I think about her stepping out on me even when we hit the mattress

Gotta smh at myself

While she is probably lol’n at me when my back is turned

I’m not perfect but I’m worth it……I thought you were perfect until past sins surfaced….

My heart is crying tears that refuse to reach my eyes

Conditioned myself a long time ago to embrace the fact that relationships are full of shit

Though I continue to take chances I’m not as reckless as I was before

Psychologically I am battered and bruised….just look my sores have developed sores

Illusions of what we could’ve been

Delusions of grander of a life I will never know

I am not cut for the cloth that can sustain healthy interactions with others past a pre determined amount of time

I thought I had finally gotten past this

….actually meant it when I told people I was doing fine

That turned out to be a lie

© 2013

Steve Logan

No Love

I think about how what we had wasn’t the best I but it was perfect to me and I was good with it

Then we complicated the procedure with all the relationship

She was my best friend then we started screwing

Said it was just for the moment

The single life had beaten us both down

Tired of playing the games and wanted to satisfy sexual needs without the hassle of meeting someone new

Put it down so good on one another that the thought of officially being together slowly made its way into our minds

The door was open

What was once in the back of our minds had made it to the front

The first thing I thought of in the morning was her

And she thought of me

Sent “Good morning baby” text messages concurrently

No titles would be given

But sometimes you just want to feel like you belong

Not that you’re a possession, but more than just a piece of the puzzle

Initial attraction is always the catalyst

Eventually want to encompass all senses of that person’s affection

She got tired of the run around

Said I had forgotten our friendship

We no longer had deep conversations anymore

Just me kissing and undressing her as she talked about the ups and downs of her life

I had let myself get lost in the sauce

Downgraded her from one of my best friends to Miss New Booty

Obtained another notch on my bed post but the risk was higher than the reward

Now no love is to be found

Lost it all

Lost her…..

Lost my one true love…

-S. Logan

2012

Ordinary Love

Can’t even look you in the face

Don’t want to deal with the shame of what I let go

So I choose to stay as far away as possible

You always were my angel so the space is your halo

I could just say sorry, apologize for the wrong I’ve done

What would that do? 

You wouldn’t believe me anyway

Remember the last time that I could you this was the last time I was going to do you wrong?

I wouldn’t expect you to think this time I’ve changed

Still been keeping tabs on you through mutual friends that don’t treat me with distain due to the way I treated you

I admit both times I was a shell of a man

Love isn’t a game

Had no right to play with your heart

Wasn’t even worthy to hold it up

Hands got shaky

Blame it on the drugs they had me geeking

Nerves on the ends of my fingers started tweaking

One of the words most beautiful jewels in the palms of my hands

Many told me it resembled a precious ruby when held to the light

Wouldn’t you know I had to go and fuck things up just like I always do

Third time’s the charm but I’ll spare myself the disappointment I won’t try to invade what I am sure is now the fortress that is your heart

Shopping at the store of the ones who have had love and lost it

And everything in here is in my size

-S. Logan

2012

House Guest

Started out leaving by midnight so I could go home and change clothes

Next thing you know I am bringing overnight bags

Then you told me I could have a drawer

From the drawer I got closet space

Then next thing you know I am moving my own furniture in

Even put my name on the lease when it came time to resign

We shacked up a for a while

Then one Wednesday after work we made a trip to the courthouse

No family

No friends

Just us

We didn’t even change out status on facebook

We knew how we felt about each other, that’s all that mattered in the end

We had our ups and downs much like all relationships

However due to our already established friendship and trust in God we weathered through the storms Satan sent our way

As the years went on the love seemingly withered away like an uncultivated plant

Date nights became just like all the other nights…..lonely
Candlelit dinners aren’t as romantic when you’re staring at an empty chair

Just wanted a little of your time but now you’re out with the girls every night

Doesn’t matter if I need corrective lenses or not I can tell something is amiss here even with my hindered sight

I was starving for affection, craving love, missing the connection that was us

So much like most males I gave in, didn’t take much bait for me to lunge for the hook

With a bat of the eyes and a smile it rekindles a flame inside of me that I only thought you had the lighter to

Not accustomed to being unfaithful so I was sloppy with the evidence

Suppose I wanted to you to find out so I could quickly come clean about my dirty dealings

Couldn’t even imagine the look in your eye when you found out

Waiting for you to come home

Pacing the floor, looking at the ceiling

You walk in with a look of disappointment on your face

Then gave me a smile, the last sight I saw made it harder than the final curtain falling

Gunshot to my chest, now our home is my final resting place.

- Steve Logan

2012

Crescendo

I don’t want to waste your time anymore than I already have

I have no plans for you

I don’t know even know what I want in a woman

Let alone what to do with a good one like you

Stop waiting for me

I’m not worth it

I know this may hurt but nothing can compare to the years I’ve played with your heart

Release therapy

Addition by subtraction

After all this time of playing cat and mouse

Letting go of this sham what we call a love is our only course of action

Perhaps I should’ve made it official with you back then

Remember when?

We first met?

I wasn’t ready still had to get my whoring out of the way

Now I’m sitting here a different man today

Gone are my needs to always have a woman any woman laying in the bed with me

I’ve grown…but in all the time of just finding Ms. Fat Booty, I’ve neglected figuring out the traits that I want in a soul mate

My fault

My bad

You only wanted me for close to a decade

Now I am ready to turn my back on everything we’ve ever had

Don’t wait for me please

Turn and walk away

This time don’t look back……

-S. Logan

2012 

Rerun (Love Programming)

Keep flipping through channels but nothing new is on

Same ole shows

Same ole star…..me

I keep trading hearts in for new models like beaten down cars

I could care less about taking heed of how long the engine lasts

Not looking for 300,000 miles

I plan on racking up as many joy ride laps on this thing I can then discarding it

No worries

Call the tow truck

We got another

Let me turn in these keys

No need for them anymore

No need to be sitting here anymore

Time to get off my ass

Experience new things

Meet new people

My way is no way

Fuck this tv!

S. Logan

2012

Dirty Laundry

Love only works when both parties share it
All my life I was told it's ok for a man's eye to wander
Occasionally even sample
But they were wrong
Stepped out
Brought it home
Doctor gave her the results back
No she didn't get special delivery....the package
But my jumpoff came up pregnant
Kept the ultrasound photos in my pocket
Wifey found them while washing my clothes.....this is the end for her and I

S. Logan
2012

Housewife of Saint Louis

It’s getting harder and harder to keep her a secret

Sending me naked pics while her papers lays sound asleep next to her

Telling me I should come through because she just sent him on another wild goose chase…..trying to find another token to show his love for her

I show my love with the vigor in each stroke

She tells me I can skinny dip in her pool

Normally I wear a life jacket but I got caught up in the excitement a time or two…..three…..TEN!

My test keep coming back clean

Nothing to worry about on that end

So we continue

It’s deeper now

We no longer have rendezvous of lustful sin

She tells me about how he no longer sleeps in the same bed

Showing me the text messages

He’s calling her everything but a child of God

Nope

I won’t say anything

Not my place dude

I am just the side dick

My duties only list two things:  lick and stick

Not always in that order

We’re doing it again

Turing on the air in this hotel room in the dead of winter

Sex so scorching that it would melt her wedding ring if she still bothered to wear it

“Oh that good”

Is all I can think laying here in this bed

Worn out……too tired to even scoot over so I won’t lay in the wet spot

I fall asleep and as usual when I awake she is gone

What’s this I see?   A note?

Something’s inside of it…

A pen?  No

A toothbrush?  No

Cylinder shaped container?  No

“Two lines means you’re the father…….Love *********”

-S. Logan

2012

Boomerang Effect

Seems like I’ve been here before

Well I have been

Too many times before

In the same situation

With the same person

…Maybe not the same person but she fits the model of the others before

Always falling for the ones that never end up with guys like me

Said I was done giving my all only to get nothing in return

I can be everything to one person

Instead I am here being one thing to every girl

Never was my intent really

Thinking I could dick them down good enough that they would give me their heart along with their bodies

No such luck…

Same movie….

Different co stars…

I am the constant in this cast

Just when I think the show is over

I’ve taken my last bow…NOPE

Encore after encore

However it seems I have finally outgrown this role

Fin

-          S. Logan

2012

This Dog’s Life

I’m tired of avoiding what looks back every time I stare in the mirror

Terrified to admit the reason why my love life is in shambles is due to my own whorish ways

Well there is still breath in this body of mine

Never too late to change

I’ve been in and out of kennels

Some even left me on the door step of abandoned animal’s shelters

Those who were foolish enough to try to take me home

I jumped over the fence and ran around terrorizing the neighborhood

When I tell you I’ve lived it’s not a game

My life has been anything but sheltered

Now I’m standing out here looking for some cover from the shit storm that has begun to rain

Not even me giving the sad puppy dog eyes will allow you to let me back in

All you can think of is the last time and how I refused to become house trained

If you look very closely you can still see the stains that I left on the carpet

The dirt that I’ve done remains, no matter how much scrubbing has been done

© 2012

S. Logan

Fragrance

I've tired to stay away
But every time I think I have finally broken free from her spell
I see her
My heart does things that it has never done with any other
Stay
This is the one God made for you...

Then I begin to second guess
Had this feeling before
All it lead to was hurt feelings and friends turning into enemies

Not with her

She is different

I can feel it in my soul

"Go to her"

I hear the voice in my head getting louder

I am edging closer

The magnet that is her won't turn me loose

Who am I kidding?

I wouldn't be able to escape even if I wanted too

This is....

This is.....

Where I am supposed to be 

I have reached the destination on my journey of love

Now we embark on another path

One as husband and wife.....

I take you be the latest, greatness addition to my life

(C) 2012

S. Logan

Coming From a Broken Home

I don’t have any memories of ma and pops dancing to old songs

Only thing I remember is moms crying

Wondering how she is going to raise a man on her own

We made it and times weren’t easy

Nobody said it would be

Looking back on it I am glad

Always had food on the table

Nice clothes on my back

Some of the gear I was rocking not even kids from two parent households had that

With a much respect as I have for my mother

I grew just as much anger and hate for my father…..

No to call him father would be an insult to me and all the others who actually are a part of their children’s lives

The ones that are more than just a check in the mail

I’m talking attending sporting events, musical recitals, parent teacher conferences

How could you sleep at night not knowing that something you brought into this world wasn’t ok

That’s not a man

And it’s not a woman’s place to teach a boy how to grow into manhood

Yet so many have done so

Black men my senior talk about how so few from my generation and under aren’t men

May because many moons ago you the original black men left your families to fend for themselves

Grand fathers, uncles, older male cousins and the new man in momma’s life stepping up to the plate

But where is the sperm donor at?

At somewhere ducking the state to avoid at least financing the life that he had a hand in making

But what good is the money?

Doesn’t you child deserve a little time?

I shouldn’t of had to watch you my father come into my life every 3 – 4 years stay around for a weekend just for you to disappear again

Do you have any idea the nights I cried?!

How I thought it was my fault?!

HOW I BLAMED MYSELF FOR YOU LEAVING US?!

I know it’s wrong

But I hate you so much

I can never truly be one with God as long as I carry this with me

And I pray everyday that one day I can forgive you…

You’ve done nothing to deserve it

Though in a strange way I feel sorry for you old man….

I really do

You signed the birth certificate and we share the government name but I promise I will never be anything like you

© 2012

Steve Logan

Broadway

The say what doesn’t kill will make me stronger

My appetite for destruction is growing…not even the many suicide attempts can satisfy my hunger

Make up a couple excuses so a quack can give me the most powerful drugs they have

Something needs to kill the pain

Keep the over the counter stuff

With the life I live something with more punch is needed

Ya’ll still on that vicodin and percocet

I only worried about hydromophone

You got some??

Hold up hold up hold up

Is that the new fentanyl?

Grab the box and cover myself in patches

I should add some alcohol to the mix

Maybe I can drift off to a coma

Float into nothingness

Whatever it takes to get far away from this

I don’t call this living

Have you ever experienced what kind of thoughts self mutilation can provoke?

It’s not always the “I have to live a better life” speech we tend to give ourselves during gut check time

I could care less what they say about me in my life’s foot notes

You never knew how I used to go on lunch and breaks at work to snort coke

This is the real me!

Those who know me personally would be surprised that I’m depressed 90% of the time because they only the smile and hear me crack jokes

Swimming in a sea of despair…Lord grant me the strength to keep making the strong strokes

I would love to live…but is a little relief from the agony too much to ask

My bible tells me You can heal me….deliver me from my personal hell

I know I didn’t always praise you like I should but you know us sinners don’t call on you until we’ve fell

Self inflected wounds

What is one to do?

I keep praying and praying

Cover me in Your armor

Produce weapons to aid me in my skirmish

If order for me to be reborn my demons must be defeated….

© Steve Logan 2012

All Rights Reserved

The Fall

The ups

The downs

We try to make the square peg fit into the circle shaped hole

But to no avail

Hopeless romantics

Star crossed lovers

Too afraid of the single life to admit we’re not right for each other

We rise

We fall

Trying so hard to make things work

All resources have been exhausted

The battlefield is littered with casualties….of the war that we’ve raged on….soldiers of an unfortunate love

Playful back and forth morphs into hateful volleys being lobbed over the net

Stay

Or

Go

You call me a liar and say you will never trust me

Every time I break your wall down it seems like I do something else the very next moment to make you rebuild it stronger

Finger pointing

Let’s play the blame game

I feel as if you will always hold the past over my head

Evil, vindictive how can you take me back just to do me like this?

Brought back to life

Only to see the knife being shoved into my heart

Now we are at an end road

What to do?

We no longer know each other

Part of me wonders if we ever did

Well ummm

There’s a but

That’s not totally true

We both lied to one another

Chasing our tails

The dog has come back out to play

“Bark like a dog” *bark bark*

“Bark like a BIG dog!!”  *WOOF WOOF*

It was my decision to jump over the fence

Go out and roam

Serves me right that when I came back my house was torn down

Guess I pissed you off that much huh?

Reform project

This time the foundation of which we construct on will be stronger

I’ve changed

You can see it in my actions

But the divide is still there

Barriers continually in the way

I am sick and tired of you tearing me down and acting as if I should deserve it

How could you expect me to stay?

You keep treating me as if I am a nuisance to you…I’m no longer needed here so I begin to stray

Oh now you want me back

Telling me how you only argue with me so furiously because you have such strong feelings

If this is love then I would’ve lived a better life having not ever known it

Let’s call it quits….time for the union that we have to split

So it’s over

We go our separate ways

Delete friendships via the world wide web

And erase phone numbers

Though the smiles we shared and subsequent moans and swapping of lust still pop in my mind

You give me a feeling like I’ve never felt before

I exposed myself fully to you and only you… I knew I could trust you..you weren’t deceitful like those whores

I miss what we had

Even though it was bad

Guess that’s why I want it back…I’ve grown accustomed to be being sad

© 2012

All Rights Reserved