Used to

Used to

Looking back on my past sometimes I laugh, shed tears and even sit still in awe of how far I’ve come

Used to

Be addicted to pain medication

Pill popping like there was no tomorrow or at least in my mind I felt it wasn’t

Taking pulls from the Jack Daniels bottle to chase them down

The horrors of life were too much for me

I couldn’t walk through this world without being inebriated

Used to

Be narcissistic

The physical world I lived in didn’t exist

Only delusions I had conjured up in my head

Afraid to look in the mirror, thinking about how I would finally see that it’s always been me standing in my way

Used to

Envision myself as such a playa, never thinking of the future

But now that I am staring down the barrel of thirty

I am only left to wonder…..have I already ran off the one?

She may have loved me more than life itself but it’s only so much bullshit you can tolerate

Used to

Be afraid of my flaws

Never wanting to admit that I’m nowhere near as great as I wish I was

I used to be a lot of things

But I will be so much more in the future.

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Leaving on a jet plane

Wings spread out as I head into the sky
Glancing out the window, objects are minuscule but not some much that I can't still make out things I will never see again
I see your house, the sun shinning off of your car....you must've just gotten it waxed
I wonder did he do it?
Let me stop back off of the negative
I must leave all that behind....leave you and I behind
No point in crying over spilt milk right?
Besides if it was meant to be with us then we would still be together
You moved on and as much as I hated you for it, I in turned admired you too
Crazy I know
You had the courage and strenght to do something that I couldn't
Maybe I cared more about what we had than you did or maybe you had just had enough
The once strong links have been broken in our chain
Some how some way I will get you out of my brain
For now however best thing I can do is close the window.....just fly away on this plane

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

When I'm Gone

A couple blocks over last night….life was taken

Shots fired and bullets sending everyone but the actual targets to their final resting place

The bitter reality that life is precious and tomorrow isn’t promised

Words that I never got to tell you

Feelings forever left in limbo

Questions unanswered

My son without a father

Mom losing her only child

I know we can’t control how we go

Not possible for a man to know the date he will die

Though things are etched in stone

Take heed as this may be the final time you hear from me

The footprints that my lyrics leave in your mind, as the impression from the soles touch your soul

Tired of this life where it only matters what a person wears and who they claim to know or how hard they act

The BET lifestyle is like a needle that constantly pumps ignorance into our youth

While keeping some of the adults sedated and desensitized to tools of coons

I only 27 yet I feel light years ahead of my time

Every time I speak of overcoming and a new age revolution I get dirty looks from one of mine

The old folks may finally have it right this time….this generation is the worst

At least when I was coming up we had common sense…..may not have always exercised it but it was there

Values instilled by our parents

I’m only one man and I am already preoccupied raising my young man so I can’t raise others while you hit the clubs and stand out on the block

Spending time with your children and teaching them the ways so they can grow to have a better life than you that’s what it’s all about

I pray for you world…..but I can no longer let you weigh my heart down

You’ll miss me when I’m gone

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

The Safest Place

Buried deep inside this head of mind lays great treasures and many secrets that I am too afraid to pop the lock to open up
The closet doesn't hold skeletons
I have built a graveyard of shame, disappointment, failures and anything else that will make you shun me as a human being
Cornered in the corner
The enemy is my
Only darker and the smile is sinister....I see blood on his teeth, left there from our last battle as he attempted to dine on my flesh

I am my own worst enemy

We tussle
Exchanging punches
Profanity flying out of our mouths as was use words to find a way to break the other

I'm the only thing I'm afraid of

The only weakness he is the same one I share
Light to which exposes me to you
Faced with admitting that I am not as perfect as I would want you to think
Sure I told you I was flawed but never broke it down and told you just how flawed
As the tissue in my brain show the scars, no such thing as a superficial wound here

I am not my past....I shall reclaim my crown in the future

I refuse to be undertaken by yesterday

I will see tomorrow at all cost

Even if that means I must kill myself and be reborn

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

When we were friends

Calling us friends in a way seems to degrade what we share, the road we’ve walked on together for years now

May have not walked together the entire trip but our paths always ended up crossing and all was forgiven

You know how things go with family

Sometimes you fall out but that doesn’t mean you stop loving them

But when the time comes you know they will be there, as if they were watching and sprung into action during your time of need

Friends….how many of us have them?

The wrongs of today won’t matter should one of us not make it to tomorrow

Then again are we really broken?

And if we are as long as all the pieces can be gathered in a timely manner there is still time to piece together the torn segments of the picture that showed us in happier times

Even though at some point things fade and some damage can’t be fixed and it’s never the same

Can we at least still be friends?

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Seven Days

The cancer is eating away, my body is seemingly shrinking right before my eyes
Sight in the mirror, watching myself breakdown with no hope of rebuilding
Oh God.....why me I ask?
This is what you had planned for my life?
I know I shouldn't question you but please give me more time
Seven Days
Is not enough
More time to give my son life lessons, show him that a black youth doesn't have to be like the clowns you see in the music videos
I don't need jail in order for me to read eighty books

Crack life’s biggest mysteries
Open doors
To assist those like me in the future
But now I feel as if all hope is lost…time fading
Standing at the bottom, looking up the stairway to heaven
Always said how I would make tomorrow a better day than today
Looks like I won’t be able to make this promise this time
Goodbye

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Paper Planes

Light in weight, easily destructed, flying high but when there is no wind to aid……..crash and burn ensues

Intoxicated, siphoning fuel out of the tank of the jet

Now I feel as if I have wings

Perched on this ledge

Are you ready for takeoff?

The only problem with getting this high is that you know at some point you’re gonna come down

Everybody gather ‘round

See this death defying act

As I nose dive headed for hell

You say you didn’t know I did drugs, you didn’t really know me well

With everything going on my life and yet I still act as if nothing is going on

In my own dream world….wasn’t hard to tell

To the ground I go hitting the lowest of low

I fell

Is what I say in the first day of rehab

Either this or end up on in the morgue on a cold slab

Hopefully one day again I can fly again.

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Real life fantasy

Looking in the mirror...what I see is picture perfect but I far from that
My fist makes the glass explode and my dream world is left in shambles!
In trying to think of a new lie to cover up the previous me the have engulfed the real me I find myself starting to ramble
I used to be draped in the shining armor of the white knight but after the venom that ran through my vains was spewed I'm in distress like damsel
Perhaps I should come to terms that this is my life
Maybe I should make it all right
Apologize for being an ass and deceiving you
This is the best way to reach you all should this be last night
Atone for what I've done
Lord will this ensure my place in your kingdom?
Or should I get used to the summers heat, A/C off Satan burns my building
Easy feat considering a house of cards is flammable
I just pray that you forgive me
I'm a changed man see

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.0