Will Write 4 Food

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Reason or season

Nothing is left to chance

All steps have been calculated

Every mistake accounted for

Triumphant party has been preplanned

Everything is organized even the chaos

So far be it for me to not recognize that our meeting was already set in stone

Are you here for the short term or the long haul?

Will I learn a valuable lesson to take into my elder years after meeting you?

Or will you just disappear like sand in the wind…leaving no signs that you and I ever inhabited the same space?

Reason…..season

Turning like the color of the leaves

Mood swings like the Saint Louis weather…wait 5 minutes and it will change

How long?

Is our bound strong?

Seasons change and so did you….

Reasons unknown to me but I guess you did what you had to do

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Look into the soul
Find what you've always hidden from the world
Dirty secrets
skeltons in the closet
Find the darkest corner
Shoot out a lightbulb if need be
No need to uncover
Already been done
Already been said
Sightseeing the soul
What I may find who knows....
Is it worth destroying what everyone thinks of me if in the end I find the man I was always meant to be?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Boundaries

Started out of friends

Yeah friends…..that’s what we’ll call it

Lighthearted flirting

Back and forth

Playing it cool

Even though we both were hot due to standing so close to the torch

Classic romance

Romeo and Juliet

Forbidden lovers

You with him and me with her

Circle is close

We both know each other’s mate

I say I want to meet you just to talk over coffee

But in my mind it’s a date

Remember that time you told me about having a dream about me?

Said it was just a kiss

Knew you were lying

You’re eyes and overall uneasiness told me the whole story

Now you want to keep me at arm’s length

Giving intel on your feelings about me

Telling ole girl sorry

Too late now we’ve already crossed the boundary

Monday, January 16, 2012

Long Live the King

What started out as a dream

Was realized after your death

Imagine that?

Now our youth study you and your teachings

Streets named after you…..granted the crime rate may be a tad bit high but we won’t judge them

I know you up a top your throne on high looking down

Only pray that you’re smiling on us all

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Lord Give Me a Sign

Here I am again

On my knees

Not asking for mercy

But for enlightenment

Which path should I take?

I’m at the fork in the road of my life

Left?

Right?

Or straight?

I’m asking you

Pleading please continue to guide me

Don’t let me take the road to evil….I need a sign

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Love Junkie

Needle in the arm

Slumped in the chair

Heart jumping through my chest

Pulsating

Then slowing to a creep

Thump…..thump……thump……….thump………thump

Am I dying?

Is this how I finally go out?

Something so good….makes me feel so bad

Thump….Thump….

You’re my gift and curse

The reason why I live and the grounds for my death

Thump _________________________________

Friday, January 13, 2012

Disconnection

“It’s at the point where I gotta ask myself/why the fuck is it so easy to detach myself?”

-Joe Budden

Where did I go wrong?

Frightened to let you be completely open with someone until it’s all over and the final curtain has fallen

It’s all over

Then all emotions are let loose

Too late for all that now

Saying things that should’ve been said a long time ago

Better if I just disappeared back into the corner that I came

Manufactured self sabotage

My life story

However this isn’t about me feeling sorry

I’ve made several beds….laid in them all

Rolled around with fleas….got up scratching

I’ve pointed the finger at those in my past

Now I’m started to see the real problem is me

Lack of trust

Giving all of me to those that don’t deserve it

Retreating back to my shell when someone that only means me well shows attention

Will I ever stop?

I want to…and it’s never too late to change…right?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Exile

I am a nomad on land that I once called home

Friends have turned to enemies…..yesterdays enemies are more dangerous today because they are not buddy buddy with former friends

How do you fight against someone that you trusted…that knows pertinent information about you….how do you know they won’t use it to hurt you?

My darkest secrets exposed

Put on display

Do we just play this game of war?

You let a few hidden gems out of the treasure chest, now I have no choice but to pull a file from the classified cabinet that I have on you

We exchange looks of utter disgust when passing each other

Both claiming rights that the other lied to them in some way…shape or fashion

However you aren’t the only one giving me that stare

I keep my head on a swivel

I will not initiate the drama but I will end it

Hate that it’s come to this…perhaps the season was the reason that you changed up on me

It’s still nothing but love for you and everyone else whom I’ve lost to hate

No beef here….no words said

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hot Cakes

I see the plate coming for me and my eyes get big

Sweet

Dripping with goodness

I’m not worrying about counting calories with this feast in front of me

What a way to wake up

Open my eyes and there you are

The aroma is embedded in my nostrils

Dive in head first

No fork

Some may call me savage

But I’m sure they would devour this dish the same way

This is how you spend a cold winter morning…..who am I trying to front for this is how you spend every morning….in any season

Baby you the reason…oh you didn’t know I was talking about her??

She may not be pancakes but the girl is still stacked

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

4 AM

Nothing open but legs at this time so let me head home before I do something and someone that I’ll be ashamed of myself for come sunrise

Tell the crew I’ve had my fill of tonight and hit the road

Streets are clear

Windows down

UGK bumping through my speakers

I’m looking good

Diamonds up against the wood

All the lights are green

Cruising

Past the gas station

And the police turns out behind me

Following me so close that he’s practically in the car with me

Nothing to worry about

Insurance is current

License just renewed

Warrants (thinks)……

…..ummmm…..

Yeah I paid all those off last month

Got the paperwork to show in case the boys get froggy

1 mile

2 miles

3 miles

4 miles

5 miles

This pig still behind me

I know he had to have ran my plates long enough to see that I’m legal

Maybe he thinks I’m a drug dealer

Young, black, nice car, out at this time of night

Shaking my head

Watch him pull me over, tear apart my car then call the drug sniff dog…..is it a beagle?

On 8 miles now and he is still tailing me

I turn he turns

Left to right

Even though I know I’ve done nothing wrong….I still feel some sort of fright

Finally on my street pull in my driveway he stops a couple house back…..just sitting there looking at me

Pull out my keys he starts to edge his car to block mine in….

As I open the house door with no troubles he looks pissed

I can make out the words he’s saying

“How in the hell did this nigger get a house in a white neighborhood?!”

Turns on his lights and speeds off

Now you tell me there is no such thing as racism

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sincerely with Malicious Intent

Started off wanting to write you another love letter

Then after a 5^th of Jack and countless beers I said FUCK THAT!

I am done apologizing when I was the one in the right

Tired of being the one that comes crawling back to you

Cleaning up the rubble when you’re the one that blew what we had up

I care just as much as you do…and judging by your actions you can take it or leave it

Maybe I could be like you fake it and stay with it

For what?

For why?

For who?

It hurts but I would rather be alone than be with the person you’ve grown to become

The woman I used to love died some years ago

And from this day on you’re dead to me also

R.I.P.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Soul Revival

Lord…heavenly father….my God

I come to you tonight as but a man

For so long I’ve lived believing I was above and beyond discipline for my actions on this earth

I do things that I know are wrong and then ask for forgiveness

Thinking that should do it…..what a fool I am

Done with empty promises

I will be the man that you placed me on this earth to be

Fulfill my purpose even if that means I will meet death for it

It was all meant to happen one day right?

Lord I am so tired

My body, mind and most importantly spirit are week

I fear that if I stop moving for even the minimum amount of time I will never physically move again

….

Renew my will to live

I’m begging…please

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Darts

We play the game

All starts off as good natured

Trash talking begins

Feelings get hurt

Damn shame

After all we’ve been through

I used to look at your pictures and smile

Now I just use them for target practice…

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ground Running

I am done with this life

With you

With all of this nonsense

No friendships, relationships…..what’s the point of it because everyone I know seems to be full of it

You accuse me of quitting

Saying that I am taking my ball home….leaving

I call it a strategic retreat

I don’t have the heart to keep this going…I’m beat

However I keep my feet moving

Not letting you stop me

The dead weight that was dropped when you left has only aided me in moving more swiftly

I don’t hate you but I would be lying if I said that I still had any feelings that resembled love for you

I’ll take with me the lessons that I learned from you all

But just to keep the peace it would be best if never communicate with one another again

You’ve been blacklisted

No email

No text

No calls

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Holes in the Yard

I’ve never been one to hide

I will yell louder for my wrongs than I do for my rights

Convoluted logic…if I keep telling myself I am justified in my actions then I will convince myself to be

I know where all the bodies are buried because I’m the one that buried them

Sins done in the daylight….night is for sleeping after all

Judge me should you dare

You bleed if cut just like me

Put one foot in front of the other to walk

And breathe in the same air

Plenty of bones buried

If you dig them up you take the chance of exposing yourself as well

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Conditioned

She’s seen this scene numerous times before

Only thing different is that she is on the receiving end of the fist and her daughter is watching her get beat like a rented mule

Over a decade ago she used to watch her mother get beaten for no apparent reason other than the fact that her father had a bad day

As she got older she would help heal the wounds inflected and when then evil man died she only had one question at the funeral…. “Momma why did you stay?”

She never knew how to answer her…and now she doesn’t know what to tell her own child

She wants to leave but has nowhere to go and even if she did there is no money to get here there

How could something that started out so sweet turn sour like this?

When they first met he would take her out on dates and keep her smiling

Now he comes home beats, rapes and goes to sleep next to her…while she cries

Looking out the window asking God why her?

Could it be her past condition keeps her living in these same sorry conditions?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Venom

Picture myself falling…head over the heels 360

Now I stumble through life

Had to have been the only way that I let you pull one over on me

Need to gather myself….don’t mind making a fool of myself but when you do then we have beef

The thought of how it all went down sickens me

That’s why my heart stays cold….stone walled

It will prevent me from being able to love but will also stop anyone from hurting

Causality of war I suppose….

Monday, January 2, 2012

Holiday Hangover

We pretend that everything is all well with our worlds for the final two weeks of the year….and even for the first day of the new one we are still able to keep up the façade

January 2^nd 2012…the return of my depression….back to black….the only light I see is that of the train headed full speed ahead down this tunnel….looking down the barrel of another gun

What else is new?

Don’t get me wrong I’m blessed to still be here

But…..I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on something in this life….is it the love of a true soul mate? The displeasure in not doing what makes me happy for a living?? Or the fact that I am still up in the air about what my purpose on this earth??? Why am I still alive???? Why have I been spared while those who’ve fought the good fight beside me have been slain on this battlefield??????

The world may never know…and I know I never will, even when I head to the upper room I will be content to just be granted entrance

No questions asked….

Oh well I still have poetry if nothing else…as I get drunk off my creativity and vomit ink onto paper and publish it as art….

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Day

Woke up in a new year….

With new beginnings, new promises

New stories to tell

New friends…new love interest

And yes (sigh) new problems

But I refuse to let that get me down

If you keep living you will grow to learn a great familiarity highs and lows

Saying prayers for my family and friends

My son…with each day let me teach him a new lesson….do my best to make sure he doesn’t fall into the same pitfalls that I did…that I still do

DECISION TIME!

You gonna be a man and stand up on your own two feet?

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives

As the sunsets

We think about the new life that this day has brought

A new life…..a new us

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

God’s Laughter

They say God only takes the best

So until you’ve fulfilled your purpose on this earth you’re here with the rest

We miss you brother

You brought tears to our eyes for years

But now we shed a different kind as we mourn your passing

Guess God had other plans…wanted you in that pantheon with the other greats

If anything we’re the selfish ones wishing you were still here

While you sit perched on your cloud gazing around saying, “this is what I’ve been missing”

Go get your rest in until we all meet again

We send you off with the biggest round of applause you’ve ever received

This is to your new life up above as the physical has come to an end.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Kings & Queens

Kings…Queens

Gods…Goddesses

Man…woman

Started off a boy and girl

As with most love stories

You have the bullshit that comes

He say

She say

Telling her how he wants to test drive the car before marriage

Telling him how she likes to be spoiled and likes to live a certain lifestyle

Smirking at her saying, “Girl I ain’t no damn trick and ain’t never been a simp!”

Moving her neck and waving hands in the air at him yelling, “All you niggas out here now a day are lames!”

King speaks to her like a peasant… “Lil momma stay in yo lane”

Queen lets him know royalty shouldn’t be addressed as such… “You need to come better boo if you want to be with me. See I’m a real lady so to impress me you have to come with more than a nice mouth piece and hard dick.”

He cracks a smile

She smiles back

Could this be the start of something?

Something new……

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The return

Well well well look who remembered the blog that started it all. First let me apologize to all the readers of this blog, I've been neglected it really bad but coming today will be another installment of "Will Write 4 Food" as always I hope you enjoy it. Love and light folks.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Closure

Let’s just face facts we didn’t work

I could sit here and say unsavory things about you

And Lord knows you could slander my name

But what will that prove?

Only showing two of acting s if we were still youths

Beefing back and forth

My actions were just in my eyes

And your ways seems right in yours

From the way I broke your heart

Setting off this vicious cycle we now have going on

The power struggle

Maneuvering for the top position

When I stopped that’s when you showed emotion

And vice versa

Revenge on one another

Hurting you then trying to heal the wounds I caused in the blink of an eye

Soul mates to mortal enemies

Laughing and being lovey dovey

To exchanging mean mugs and not speaking

We’re doomed to just be what we are at the present moment

Hardly talking

Dry text messages exchanged here and there

The fire that burns in my heart for you has to be extinguished

It’s my fault you don’t love me like I want you

After all I’ve done my eyes are less hazy when it comes to my wrong

The black and white is distinguished

I hurt you like you hurt me

But at what cost?

I poisoned you by that time I was falling as the venom was already in my veins

Hate to close a door but there’s nothing left for me here anymore

I apologize for any tears I’ve made run out of those big brown eyes

Keep cultivating hoping that a new us will sprout

Maybe it’s my fault I keep manufacturing these things with you so I can have something to write about

If it was mean to then we never would’ve been broke right?

To be perfectly honest that thought of you walking down isle as my wife keeps me up at night

No time for marriage

No time for me

Vengeance wasn’t mine to seek but I did it anyway

No place for that the universe will right itself

I need to get over you

No point in rushing to the next girl

Better for me analyze myself

Stop repeating mistakes

Time for me…….I need to take

When I am alone and think back on it all

You were right to leave me

This is the man I am

And this man isn’t good enough for you

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Tap out (short, sweet and sensual)

I don't know what give up means
Me? Throw in the towel?
Never
I have this obsession with being the best
Want you to relive this encounter
Like your favorite throwback being played

Just stop fighting
You can never win
Though you do look cute as you struggle
Overloading you with my love

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

The one that got away

There’s this girl out there

That I’m madly in love with

And I am sure at one point in time she felt the same way about me

That was before the hurt

Before the pain

Before the betrayal

Before the deceit

You didn’t run away

I loosened my grip

Letting you down

The man that finally made you believe in love

Destroyed it forever

You always told me I scared you

Never knew why that was

Could it be that you knew I was the one for you

And if so maybe you felt I was going to hurt you

That’s why the guard stayed up

Chipped away at it just enough to see the why you heart pulsed for me

Didn’t change me

No not all because I still let you go

This is the story of the one that got away

After talking to my back for so long

Not having time for her she finally decided to stray

Now I sit on this bed empty, cold bed

For hours on end

Thinking about you

Writing about what we used to do

Mist in my eyes every time paper meets the pen

You were my glory

Then I had to go and sin

Not only have you written the final words in the chapter that was mine

But burned the book

No trace that I was ever a part of your life

Picked the lock on the cage

Now your smiling living without me

The perfect life, no strife

Remember how I would always get on your nerves

Always saying the wrong things

Causing you to pull away from the fire

My love the apple of my eye

My one true desire

This is the story of the one I let go

Did all the talking in the world but my actions never did show

You’re not thinking about me but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you though

Faced with the rest of my life

Stressing over how I will never find someone like you

That gave me the feeling like you did

Made my heart skip beats at the thought of you

Made me smile just from hearing or seeing your name

Had me shaking from the sound of your voice or the caress of your hands

Sounds silly but I still believe in us

I’ve been talking to God and he told me just keep trying

He has us in each other’s future plans

I know we can never forget the bad times

Here’s to hoping we can see pass it to the love

One final make up

No more break ups

You’re my anchor you held me down

But still lifted me up

This is the end of the story

The one that got away is gone but not to worry

As long as I still have breath in my body

I will get her back

The one that makes me swoon

My angel, my peace, my April, my May, my June

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