Will Write 4 Food: January 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

My People

My People
We’ve got to do better
Not just to keep up with the Jones’
But do it for self
Aren’t you tired of being a joke?
Notice how they only interview the one that looks like they just rolled out of bed and completely ignore the one in the suit that has knowledge seeping out of their pores
Don’t tell me that is how you were raised
Break the cycle
Aim higher
Evolve
Seems like we’re comfortable
Playing the monkey at the circus
And that isn’t disrespect to anyone specific
But if the shoe fits
Then you need to wear it
We need to change
To elevate
Only we
Can fix us

© 2012
All Rights Reserved

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Mistakes Are Mine

Blinded by my perceived greatness

Thinking I am greater than the retch I actually am

No need to answer for the sins I’ve committed

How have I been able to live this long being so wrong?

Looking in the mirror and the megalomaniac that is staring back at me is familiar

You’ve allowed me to have free reign so to speak….falling down and picking myself back up

But I keep stepping into the same traps time and time again

Stripping myself down!

Removing the weight of the burdens that constantly drag me closer to hell!

I want to walk in your name

I don’t have to lose the traits that make me….I know that now

A life consecrated to You..

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Below The Heavens

I am broken…in need of healing…..Father help me

A war is beginning waged inside of me
Call it the eternal struggle
Saint or sinner which one will I be?
At times I feel like the bad me took my heart in the form of smuggle

One day I feel as though I am un-winged angel
Then on the other side it’s like I am the son of Hades
Dark so when I die the flowers they use on my grave will be black
Selling my soul for worldly goods like diamond jewelry or a Mercedes

The righteous life is what
I must live if not for myself then for Khalil
For him I will do anything
So I have to learn how to let go of the past
And bring back the human side of me
I am tough but not made of steel
If you hurt me I still feel

Satin stay back…do not pray on my almost lifeless flesh

Friday, January 27, 2012

War Torn

The other side of the bed is cold
Because the love of her life is absent
The parents pass photos around of their child
For when the family reunion comes around the now adult is nonexistent
The young boy is missing his father
The male figure in his life is many time zones away
They are off serving the country they love
Giving it all up for what they believe in
Sacrificing for the flag
Sweat, tears and even blood
Though we may not all be in favor of warfare
We still thank you….the solider
Make us proud
On behalf of all Americans
I want to salute you

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Vessel

The carrier of such venom
Taker of life….
But you don’t wear the Outfit of the grim reaper
Actually you’re beautiful
A master piece that any artist would be proud of
Corrupted by man
The paint spilled and you were stained …..because there was no glove
You still walk around with your head held high
Heading into the hornets’ nest night after night
But running from the person in the mirror
Which is now looking like a corpse
For you are death in disguise
Ignoring the letters in the mail
Treating them as if
They were bills
That you simply didn’t have the money to pay
The girl is simply gorgeous
But it’s a shame she isn’t aware
That she is a carrier of aids…………….

2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A House Divided

I am at war with myself

Fighting to hold on to the man that I am now but still reaching for the person I am meant to be

Conflicted

Too busy worrying about what I may leave behind

If I will lose myself in the process

Thinking

Isn’t it better to lose myself in the present form if I gain something even better?

This existence has given me nothing but torture but for the life of me I can’t let go

Toughened skin have developed so it doesn’t hurt as much as it once did

I need help

I will fall apart if I don’t gather myself

2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Center Fielder

I’m tired of roaming the field of play

Out stretching, the ability to make the most spectacular catches….until I hear the screams on the grass I lay

All star…first ballot hall of famer

Homerun champ

Knocking them out the park

Who can stop me but me?

But a time comes when you know to hang ‘em up

Retire on top

Leave the game walking and not in wheel chair they say

Never had aspirations to be the player that stayed a season long than he should’ve

I am walking away from it all…..with her as my wife

Monday, January 23, 2012

Cry For Help

The world to live for but that’s not enough

Thinking about ending it all

The narcissist in me wants me to commit the single most selfish act a person can

TAKE THE PAIN WAY!

I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

I sit here almost in tears

Errors in judgment

Eventual demise is what I am headed towards

Save my ship

Self worth dwindling

Mind is elsewhere

My faith is wavering

For the first time in my life I am admitting

…..I need help

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Last Rites

We come here today to send off a tortured soul

Removed the wretched life he lived

Years of depression had set in

Smiling was all but halted

If it wasn’t a blank stare then you could expect a frown

Grown tired of chasing dreams and became complacent

Holy water sprinkled down from above but due to the venom that inhabited his veins it evaporated

Clinching the rosary so unyielding……blood begins to flow from my hands

The true definition of praying until it hurts

What was the point of it all?

I still fear that my soul is sentenced to dwell in anguish

Broken promises to myself but above all I broke promises made to my Father

Asking for forgiveness and continued blessings…only to ignore them and black slide

I deserve nothing more than the nightmare I was living

So bury me

Had plenty of dirt thrown on me during my time

What difference does a few shovelfuls more matter?

Perform the eulogy

Lower the casket into the ground

This world is over for me….the me I used to be

Now I take steps forward to start my new life

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Young, Black and Gifted

Living the dream and not planning on waking up

You want inspiration then look no further

Wordplay astounding….voice profound

Weighty lyrics

My entire portfolio puts meat on your bones and hair on the chest

Feel free to take a doggy bag home….share with family and friends

Fire burning bright but you would extinguish

Have me fall to the pit falls of the average black man

Running the race

Sprinting the last mile of a marathon

Finish line is in sights…will I make it?

Friday, January 20, 2012

At Last

At last queen you get to take your place on the throne on high

Giving the performance of a life time eternally remembered

Called home five days before what would’ve been you 74^th year on this earth

You’ve left pieces of you in all our hearts….we hear your songs now and they hurt

The world seems a little colder today

Though we should celebrate what you’ve given us

Resting in paradise

No more pain

No suffering

Only smiles

Laughter

And tranquility

Go and get your bed rest for now

We’ll talk again soon

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Reason or season

Nothing is left to chance

All steps have been calculated

Every mistake accounted for

Triumphant party has been preplanned

Everything is organized even the chaos

So far be it for me to not recognize that our meeting was already set in stone

Are you here for the short term or the long haul?

Will I learn a valuable lesson to take into my elder years after meeting you?

Or will you just disappear like sand in the wind…leaving no signs that you and I ever inhabited the same space?

Reason…..season

Turning like the color of the leaves

Mood swings like the Saint Louis weather…wait 5 minutes and it will change

How long?

Is our bound strong?

Seasons change and so did you….

Reasons unknown to me but I guess you did what you had to do

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Window Seat

Look into the soul
Find what you've always hidden from the world
Dirty secrets
skeltons in the closet
Find the darkest corner
Shoot out a lightbulb if need be
No need to uncover
Already been done
Already been said
Sightseeing the soul
What I may find who knows....
Is it worth destroying what everyone thinks of me if in the end I find the man I was always meant to be?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Boundaries

Started out of friends

Yeah friends…..that’s what we’ll call it

Lighthearted flirting

Back and forth

Playing it cool

Even though we both were hot due to standing so close to the torch

Classic romance

Romeo and Juliet

Forbidden lovers

You with him and me with her

Circle is close

We both know each other’s mate

I say I want to meet you just to talk over coffee

But in my mind it’s a date

Remember that time you told me about having a dream about me?

Said it was just a kiss

Knew you were lying

You’re eyes and overall uneasiness told me the whole story

Now you want to keep me at arm’s length

Giving intel on your feelings about me

Telling ole girl sorry

Too late now we’ve already crossed the boundary

Monday, January 16, 2012

Long Live the King

What started out as a dream

Was realized after your death

Imagine that?

Now our youth study you and your teachings

Streets named after you…..granted the crime rate may be a tad bit high but we won’t judge them

I know you up a top your throne on high looking down

Only pray that you’re smiling on us all

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Lord Give Me a Sign

Here I am again

On my knees

Not asking for mercy

But for enlightenment

Which path should I take?

I’m at the fork in the road of my life

Left?

Right?

Or straight?

I’m asking you

Pleading please continue to guide me

Don’t let me take the road to evil….I need a sign

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Love Junkie

Needle in the arm

Slumped in the chair

Heart jumping through my chest

Pulsating

Then slowing to a creep

Thump…..thump……thump……….thump………thump

Am I dying?

Is this how I finally go out?

Something so good….makes me feel so bad

Thump….Thump….

You’re my gift and curse

The reason why I live and the grounds for my death

Thump _________________________________

Friday, January 13, 2012

Disconnection

“It’s at the point where I gotta ask myself/why the fuck is it so easy to detach myself?”

-Joe Budden

Where did I go wrong?

Frightened to let you be completely open with someone until it’s all over and the final curtain has fallen

It’s all over

Then all emotions are let loose

Too late for all that now

Saying things that should’ve been said a long time ago

Better if I just disappeared back into the corner that I came

Manufactured self sabotage

My life story

However this isn’t about me feeling sorry

I’ve made several beds….laid in them all

Rolled around with fleas….got up scratching

I’ve pointed the finger at those in my past

Now I’m started to see the real problem is me

Lack of trust

Giving all of me to those that don’t deserve it

Retreating back to my shell when someone that only means me well shows attention

Will I ever stop?

I want to…and it’s never too late to change…right?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Exile

I am a nomad on land that I once called home

Friends have turned to enemies…..yesterdays enemies are more dangerous today because they are not buddy buddy with former friends

How do you fight against someone that you trusted…that knows pertinent information about you….how do you know they won’t use it to hurt you?

My darkest secrets exposed

Put on display

Do we just play this game of war?

You let a few hidden gems out of the treasure chest, now I have no choice but to pull a file from the classified cabinet that I have on you

We exchange looks of utter disgust when passing each other

Both claiming rights that the other lied to them in some way…shape or fashion

However you aren’t the only one giving me that stare

I keep my head on a swivel

I will not initiate the drama but I will end it

Hate that it’s come to this…perhaps the season was the reason that you changed up on me

It’s still nothing but love for you and everyone else whom I’ve lost to hate

No beef here….no words said

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hot Cakes

I see the plate coming for me and my eyes get big

Sweet

Dripping with goodness

I’m not worrying about counting calories with this feast in front of me

What a way to wake up

Open my eyes and there you are

The aroma is embedded in my nostrils

Dive in head first

No fork

Some may call me savage

But I’m sure they would devour this dish the same way

This is how you spend a cold winter morning…..who am I trying to front for this is how you spend every morning….in any season

Baby you the reason…oh you didn’t know I was talking about her??

She may not be pancakes but the girl is still stacked

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

4 AM

Nothing open but legs at this time so let me head home before I do something and someone that I’ll be ashamed of myself for come sunrise

Tell the crew I’ve had my fill of tonight and hit the road

Streets are clear

Windows down

UGK bumping through my speakers

I’m looking good

Diamonds up against the wood

All the lights are green

Cruising

Past the gas station

And the police turns out behind me

Following me so close that he’s practically in the car with me

Nothing to worry about

Insurance is current

License just renewed

Warrants (thinks)……

…..ummmm…..

Yeah I paid all those off last month

Got the paperwork to show in case the boys get froggy

1 mile

2 miles

3 miles

4 miles

5 miles

This pig still behind me

I know he had to have ran my plates long enough to see that I’m legal

Maybe he thinks I’m a drug dealer

Young, black, nice car, out at this time of night

Shaking my head

Watch him pull me over, tear apart my car then call the drug sniff dog…..is it a beagle?

On 8 miles now and he is still tailing me

I turn he turns

Left to right

Even though I know I’ve done nothing wrong….I still feel some sort of fright

Finally on my street pull in my driveway he stops a couple house back…..just sitting there looking at me

Pull out my keys he starts to edge his car to block mine in….

As I open the house door with no troubles he looks pissed

I can make out the words he’s saying

“How in the hell did this nigger get a house in a white neighborhood?!”

Turns on his lights and speeds off

Now you tell me there is no such thing as racism

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sincerely with Malicious Intent

Started off wanting to write you another love letter

Then after a 5^th of Jack and countless beers I said FUCK THAT!

I am done apologizing when I was the one in the right

Tired of being the one that comes crawling back to you

Cleaning up the rubble when you’re the one that blew what we had up

I care just as much as you do…and judging by your actions you can take it or leave it

Maybe I could be like you fake it and stay with it

For what?

For why?

For who?

It hurts but I would rather be alone than be with the person you’ve grown to become

The woman I used to love died some years ago

And from this day on you’re dead to me also

R.I.P.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Soul Revival

Lord…heavenly father….my God

I come to you tonight as but a man

For so long I’ve lived believing I was above and beyond discipline for my actions on this earth

I do things that I know are wrong and then ask for forgiveness

Thinking that should do it…..what a fool I am

Done with empty promises

I will be the man that you placed me on this earth to be

Fulfill my purpose even if that means I will meet death for it

It was all meant to happen one day right?

Lord I am so tired

My body, mind and most importantly spirit are week

I fear that if I stop moving for even the minimum amount of time I will never physically move again

….

Renew my will to live

I’m begging…please

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Darts

We play the game

All starts off as good natured

Trash talking begins

Feelings get hurt

Damn shame

After all we’ve been through

I used to look at your pictures and smile

Now I just use them for target practice…

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ground Running

I am done with this life

With you

With all of this nonsense

No friendships, relationships…..what’s the point of it because everyone I know seems to be full of it

You accuse me of quitting

Saying that I am taking my ball home….leaving

I call it a strategic retreat

I don’t have the heart to keep this going…I’m beat

However I keep my feet moving

Not letting you stop me

The dead weight that was dropped when you left has only aided me in moving more swiftly

I don’t hate you but I would be lying if I said that I still had any feelings that resembled love for you

I’ll take with me the lessons that I learned from you all

But just to keep the peace it would be best if never communicate with one another again

You’ve been blacklisted

No email

No text

No calls

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Holes in the Yard

I’ve never been one to hide

I will yell louder for my wrongs than I do for my rights

Convoluted logic…if I keep telling myself I am justified in my actions then I will convince myself to be

I know where all the bodies are buried because I’m the one that buried them

Sins done in the daylight….night is for sleeping after all

Judge me should you dare

You bleed if cut just like me

Put one foot in front of the other to walk

And breathe in the same air

Plenty of bones buried

If you dig them up you take the chance of exposing yourself as well

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Conditioned

She’s seen this scene numerous times before

Only thing different is that she is on the receiving end of the fist and her daughter is watching her get beat like a rented mule

Over a decade ago she used to watch her mother get beaten for no apparent reason other than the fact that her father had a bad day

As she got older she would help heal the wounds inflected and when then evil man died she only had one question at the funeral…. “Momma why did you stay?”

She never knew how to answer her…and now she doesn’t know what to tell her own child

She wants to leave but has nowhere to go and even if she did there is no money to get here there

How could something that started out so sweet turn sour like this?

When they first met he would take her out on dates and keep her smiling

Now he comes home beats, rapes and goes to sleep next to her…while she cries

Looking out the window asking God why her?

Could it be her past condition keeps her living in these same sorry conditions?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Venom

Picture myself falling…head over the heels 360

Now I stumble through life

Had to have been the only way that I let you pull one over on me

Need to gather myself….don’t mind making a fool of myself but when you do then we have beef

The thought of how it all went down sickens me

That’s why my heart stays cold….stone walled

It will prevent me from being able to love but will also stop anyone from hurting

Causality of war I suppose….

Monday, January 2, 2012

Holiday Hangover

We pretend that everything is all well with our worlds for the final two weeks of the year….and even for the first day of the new one we are still able to keep up the façade

January 2^nd 2012…the return of my depression….back to black….the only light I see is that of the train headed full speed ahead down this tunnel….looking down the barrel of another gun

What else is new?

Don’t get me wrong I’m blessed to still be here

But…..I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on something in this life….is it the love of a true soul mate? The displeasure in not doing what makes me happy for a living?? Or the fact that I am still up in the air about what my purpose on this earth??? Why am I still alive???? Why have I been spared while those who’ve fought the good fight beside me have been slain on this battlefield??????

The world may never know…and I know I never will, even when I head to the upper room I will be content to just be granted entrance

No questions asked….

Oh well I still have poetry if nothing else…as I get drunk off my creativity and vomit ink onto paper and publish it as art….

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Day

Woke up in a new year….

With new beginnings, new promises

New stories to tell

New friends…new love interest

And yes (sigh) new problems

But I refuse to let that get me down

If you keep living you will grow to learn a great familiarity highs and lows

Saying prayers for my family and friends

My son…with each day let me teach him a new lesson….do my best to make sure he doesn’t fall into the same pitfalls that I did…that I still do

DECISION TIME!

You gonna be a man and stand up on your own two feet?

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives

As the sunsets

We think about the new life that this day has brought

A new life…..a new us

Subscribe To

Welcome