Right Above It

Lord I’m begging for you to save my soul, lately I’ve become so cold…watching myself die when I look in the mirror the reflection is starting to look like the me of the old

I keep combating against the urge to become what I once renounced

Smile is rarely seen these days

Walking around on edge, belligerent…ready to set any wrong doer a blaze

Satan get back

Don’t try to overtake my soul

It belongs to the Lord

And even though I don’t always live my life in His image, He is the ruler of all

…Of all

Never let me down

Please don’t let me fall as I hang on for dear life

Feeling my fingers slipping

Went from right above it to now living in it

Will I be able to climb out of the abyss? 

Guess we shall see

© 2011

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Welcome to heartbreak

Feels like I’m waking up from a bad dream

Everything is tangible…..just because I can see doesn’t mean things are what they seem

The ground under me is shaky

This isn’t reality

My heart isn’t there

Just red pieces of paper lumped together

I no longer know what it’s like to feel

Been living in suspended animation for years now

Can’t remember the last time I loved

When you tell me the affection you have for me…I may need my prescription adjusted because even with my glasses on I can see

What makes you different from the others

The ones that used me

Financially, emotionally, mentally and even once physically abused me

So you can keep tell me that but it goes in one ear and out the other….

You can’t be real

I don’t care about what you want from me

Your needs are none of my concern

I’ve given enough of myself  and still have yet to gain the love of another

So from this point on I only take

Thief in the night

Give me your heart

I’ll do with it what I please and air mail it back to you once I’m done toying with it

Turnabout’s fair play

Don’t tell me I’m not being fair when you haven’t done anything to cultivate this relationship

The sweet flowers of passion bare no petals and stems have slumped over, falling out of the vase

Reminisce of what was

I think of you

And my blood pressure lowers

The rage has subsided

I see you standing on the balcony

Your hair flowing in the night wind

Moonlight complimenting your skin

Frown turns into a smile

An embrace follows

Clinching you so tight I may cut up circulation

Lifting you up in the air spinning you around celebrating how I found the lover that started it all

So happy…to be with you again…a second chance to do things the right way…how they should’ve went the first time

So I toss you over the rail and watch you plummet to the busy intersection

Splat!!  Hello and goodbye

HEARTBREAK

© 2011

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Just to get by

This morning I woke up

Feeling like not living but still I got up

Thinking about my life

My child

My family

My job

Then I started drinking and kept going

As I head into oblivion

Not looking back

I’m gone…..I’m gone

Every day it gets harder for me to find the will to get out of bed… Negative thoughts floating in my head…reflecting on things my sub conscious has said

Just to get by…..I’m ready to ski mask it, run up and just take what I want

I have to make it, by any means nesscary

Stomach rumbles

Drink another couple gallons of water

Have another bowl of instant oatmeal

Whatever works

It’s people out there doing more with less

I know I can make it through this

My God wouldn’t put me up against an unbeatable opponent

I will pass this test

Anything to get by

© 2011

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Freaks n' Geeks

She’s attracted to my beautiful mind

Strange how things change given enough time

Remember when being intelligent didn’t make you the ladies choice

They would never listen when I was talking about my favorite but still mesmerized by my deep voice

The spell has been placed

Never plan on taking it off

Now she’s playing chess with me, having stimulating conversation about world events…..even playing a game or two of Black Ops

All before a night of mind blowing sex

Nothing like being in tune with your partner…..connecting without the aid of verbiage

Judgment unclouded but I feel high

And if you were give me a drug test not a trace would show in the screen

But when she shows up on the scene I get inebriated thinking about what’s between her thighs

© 2011

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Pennies

Gather them up

Digging in between the sofa cushions

Maybe I can get enough to be able to actually afford something off the dollar menu today

The never ending struggle of life

A fight to the finish and even after you’re finished you have to think of what you left your seeds with

Working poor pay check to pay check making just enough to keep a rough over my head and gas to make it back to the salt mines

Walking in I sing to myself

“I’ve been sweating on this slave ship and I ain’t made shit!”

I went to school for this?

Just to have student loan companies that double as loan sharks come after me

One way or another they will get a return on investment….even if it all seems for not

I pray for financial windfalls but then I feel guilty asking for it since I have my health and the health of my loved ones

That’s what they tell me anyway

Sounds like false hope to me as I look at the low fuel light when I am still 20 plus miles away from home

Praying just to make it to my destination

I stopped crying over it…..this is how my life was supposed to be

© 2011

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When it all falls down

Everything is always good in the beginning, that’s why you even start up something with that someone

Making the gaffe many of us do

Thinking it will always be like this

Nothing last forever I was told

When it all falls down

We discover how little we actually knew each other

Foundations built on words exchanged during pillow talk, acting as a base made of sand..Though it may stand and look appealing once you place something on top of it eventually it will fall to pieces because nothing ever should’ve been constructed with it

When it all falls down

Left with nothing but hurt feelings

And antipathy towards one another

YEAH I FUCKED UP BUT NOT LIKE YOU!!

……

Or did I?

Who’s the fool the person that continually lies or the one that consistently believes what their being fed?

Who is more to blame when what we has was once so great but no we leave with nothing

When it all falls down

© 2011

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Grown & Sexy

I had to put pen to paper, couldn’t get the words to come out verbally…on how to properly pay homepage to this ebony queen

Well built, the sculptor molded you in such a way that nothing could ever be greater

The way you way is graceful, swaying from side to side

Hair flowing….love and silky

You thief!!  The way your skin glows you had to have stolen light directly from the sun

It may not even come back up again but I will be fine with that as long as I can continue to lay eyes on you

The kind of beauty that even a blind man can see

The kind of chocolate that will send taste buds into a craze

Never dined at a café that had a better menu than yours

Don’t know when or if I will get to see another spread like this again

So I better eat all I can since it’s on the house

You got your hooks in me and I don’t want them out

You got me….fiending for you like Pookie for another rock

You’re the drug and I am the addict

Don’t need or want rehab

If they try to send me I will break free to be with you

Like’s you and I wants you

Grown & Sexy

© 2011

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Pretty Brown Eyes

I remember it like it was yesterday

Staring into them

The everlasting tunnel of love, how no matter how much a knock down drag out fight we just had once our eyes connected I was putty in your hands

Am I mistaken for thinking that after all the wrong I’ve done that there is still a spark there for me?

Delusions of grandeur that you will one day forgive me and will still be my wife

Those other girls aren’t you

Being friends is fine and we still have that spark there that makes me believe that the fireplace that housed our love can once again be stocked with logs and burn for eternity

Everything I ever wanted in a woman

I ran you off not once but twice

Third time’s the charm but you will never come back to me for fear I will do your heart further harm

Those other girls don’t stand a chance when put up against you

Afraid to tell you how I feel

Never been afraid of rejection but if you would tell me to give up on the fairy tale that is us I would be crushed…emotionally flattened……love tramped on

Tried them and had to learn the hard way there is no one like you

So this is me saying I will never set free the thought of “us” even though there is currently not an “us” I know that you and I were meant to be and one day I will stare into your Pretty Brown Eyes at the alter.

© 2011

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Feeback

So as stated in the video if you have anything you want me to read on the weekly feedback show feel free to send an email to Ideologikal@gmail.com

Someone Like You

Chemistry with is still marvelous

Even though you’re no someone else wife

I want you to know that I plan on adoring you for life

Just when I think I am ready to move on thoughts of you

Come out the blue

Epiphany

I presume I should give up on it all

Can’t even find someone that is worthy of being mentioned in the same sentence as you

Fallen victim to my inability to forget

I remember the way it felt as our lips touched

How the moments of our passion shared left me distorted for days after

How it felt to know that I had finally lost you

What am I to do now?

Live this life single-handedly

Not fair to marry someone knowing they are second best

Or perhaps I could…..maybe….someday find someone like you

© 2011

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Black Book

Reads like a novel

Tails of my past

I even made notes by certain names

Speaking of names never used the real ones just in case someone stumbled upon my hidden treasure

Cute aliases that remind me of them

Leaving the outside none the wiser

Every now and then I get a little lonely

Instead of trying to find someone new

I prefer to just stick with the tried and true

Just because we didn’t make it as a couple doesn’t mean we can’t continue to be lovers

No hiding the fact

Our bodies are so in tune with each other

We have great chemistry

See you and I want to rip all your clothes off immediately

Inhibitions out the window

As you spread eagle I am maneuvering inside you

Vocal exercises by you now

Doing a crescendo

I can’t deny

No reason for me to lie

I still want you as my woman

The way you used to make me feel high

But I will take this

Only time we don’t argue is when we’re getting into things

Even if it isn’t mine to the outside world

You and I both know how only we can make each other feel

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Booty Call Hours

Stumbling out the club 3am as Saturday night has lead into Sunday morning

A phonebooks worth of missed calls

All from you I know you only calling me because he’s not around

Text messages telling me how you need someone to talk to

How about you talk to your man

I’ve moved on, can’t associate with you anymore

Dude has contacts at the cell phone company pulling up your phone records throwing me back up in your face when I could really care less about what you got going on

I could do without your games

You playing with hearts hear and I am done being your lame

Never understood how some got off on being chased until I turned into the one that was hunted

Gives you a sense of power, knowing that you can make someone jump through hoops to get at you

Now you left stuck since I care less than you

If that’s even possible

Sending me naked pictures in an attempt to entice me but I’ve been there…done that

You have nothing but physical to offer me but what’s the use of that if afterwards it will lead to an argument

I hear you talking about how only I can get you wet enough to get drowned slow

Thinking you trying to set me

Have a real life version of R. Kelly and Mr. Biggs…..Down low

Cause nobody has to know

Right?.....Wrong!

Stick with you man the one you choose to be with and leave me the hell alone

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

Used to

Used to

Looking back on my past sometimes I laugh, shed tears and even sit still in awe of how far I’ve come

Used to

Be addicted to pain medication

Pill popping like there was no tomorrow or at least in my mind I felt it wasn’t

Taking pulls from the Jack Daniels bottle to chase them down

The horrors of life were too much for me

I couldn’t walk through this world without being inebriated

Used to

Be narcissistic

The physical world I lived in didn’t exist

Only delusions I had conjured up in my head

Afraid to look in the mirror, thinking about how I would finally see that it’s always been me standing in my way

Used to

Envision myself as such a playa, never thinking of the future

But now that I am staring down the barrel of thirty

I am only left to wonder…..have I already ran off the one?

She may have loved me more than life itself but it’s only so much bullshit you can tolerate

Used to

Be afraid of my flaws

Never wanting to admit that I’m nowhere near as great as I wish I was

I used to be a lot of things

But I will be so much more in the future.

© 2011

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Leaving on a jet plane

Wings spread out as I head into the sky
Glancing out the window, objects are minuscule but not some much that I can't still make out things I will never see again
I see your house, the sun shinning off of your car....you must've just gotten it waxed
I wonder did he do it?
Let me stop back off of the negative
I must leave all that behind....leave you and I behind
No point in crying over spilt milk right?
Besides if it was meant to be with us then we would still be together
You moved on and as much as I hated you for it, I in turned admired you too
Crazy I know
You had the courage and strenght to do something that I couldn't
Maybe I cared more about what we had than you did or maybe you had just had enough
The once strong links have been broken in our chain
Some how some way I will get you out of my brain
For now however best thing I can do is close the window.....just fly away on this plane

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

When I'm Gone

A couple blocks over last night….life was taken

Shots fired and bullets sending everyone but the actual targets to their final resting place

The bitter reality that life is precious and tomorrow isn’t promised

Words that I never got to tell you

Feelings forever left in limbo

Questions unanswered

My son without a father

Mom losing her only child

I know we can’t control how we go

Not possible for a man to know the date he will die

Though things are etched in stone

Take heed as this may be the final time you hear from me

The footprints that my lyrics leave in your mind, as the impression from the soles touch your soul

Tired of this life where it only matters what a person wears and who they claim to know or how hard they act

The BET lifestyle is like a needle that constantly pumps ignorance into our youth

While keeping some of the adults sedated and desensitized to tools of coons

I only 27 yet I feel light years ahead of my time

Every time I speak of overcoming and a new age revolution I get dirty looks from one of mine

The old folks may finally have it right this time….this generation is the worst

At least when I was coming up we had common sense…..may not have always exercised it but it was there

Values instilled by our parents

I’m only one man and I am already preoccupied raising my young man so I can’t raise others while you hit the clubs and stand out on the block

Spending time with your children and teaching them the ways so they can grow to have a better life than you that’s what it’s all about

I pray for you world…..but I can no longer let you weigh my heart down

You’ll miss me when I’m gone

© 2011

All Rights Reserved

The Safest Place

Buried deep inside this head of mind lays great treasures and many secrets that I am too afraid to pop the lock to open up
The closet doesn't hold skeletons
I have built a graveyard of shame, disappointment, failures and anything else that will make you shun me as a human being
Cornered in the corner
The enemy is my
Only darker and the smile is sinister....I see blood on his teeth, left there from our last battle as he attempted to dine on my flesh

I am my own worst enemy

We tussle
Exchanging punches
Profanity flying out of our mouths as was use words to find a way to break the other

I'm the only thing I'm afraid of

The only weakness he is the same one I share
Light to which exposes me to you
Faced with admitting that I am not as perfect as I would want you to think
Sure I told you I was flawed but never broke it down and told you just how flawed
As the tissue in my brain show the scars, no such thing as a superficial wound here

I am not my past....I shall reclaim my crown in the future

I refuse to be undertaken by yesterday

I will see tomorrow at all cost

Even if that means I must kill myself and be reborn

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

When we were friends

Calling us friends in a way seems to degrade what we share, the road we’ve walked on together for years now

May have not walked together the entire trip but our paths always ended up crossing and all was forgiven

You know how things go with family

Sometimes you fall out but that doesn’t mean you stop loving them

But when the time comes you know they will be there, as if they were watching and sprung into action during your time of need

Friends….how many of us have them?

The wrongs of today won’t matter should one of us not make it to tomorrow

Then again are we really broken?

And if we are as long as all the pieces can be gathered in a timely manner there is still time to piece together the torn segments of the picture that showed us in happier times

Even though at some point things fade and some damage can’t be fixed and it’s never the same

Can we at least still be friends?

© 2011

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Seven Days

The cancer is eating away, my body is seemingly shrinking right before my eyes
Sight in the mirror, watching myself breakdown with no hope of rebuilding
Oh God.....why me I ask?
This is what you had planned for my life?
I know I shouldn't question you but please give me more time
Seven Days
Is not enough
More time to give my son life lessons, show him that a black youth doesn't have to be like the clowns you see in the music videos
I don't need jail in order for me to read eighty books

Crack life’s biggest mysteries
Open doors
To assist those like me in the future
But now I feel as if all hope is lost…time fading
Standing at the bottom, looking up the stairway to heaven
Always said how I would make tomorrow a better day than today
Looks like I won’t be able to make this promise this time
Goodbye

© 2011

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Paper Planes

Light in weight, easily destructed, flying high but when there is no wind to aid……..crash and burn ensues

Intoxicated, siphoning fuel out of the tank of the jet

Now I feel as if I have wings

Perched on this ledge

Are you ready for takeoff?

The only problem with getting this high is that you know at some point you’re gonna come down

Everybody gather ‘round

See this death defying act

As I nose dive headed for hell

You say you didn’t know I did drugs, you didn’t really know me well

With everything going on my life and yet I still act as if nothing is going on

In my own dream world….wasn’t hard to tell

To the ground I go hitting the lowest of low

I fell

Is what I say in the first day of rehab

Either this or end up on in the morgue on a cold slab

Hopefully one day again I can fly again.

© 2011

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Real life fantasy

Looking in the mirror...what I see is picture perfect but I far from that
My fist makes the glass explode and my dream world is left in shambles!
In trying to think of a new lie to cover up the previous me the have engulfed the real me I find myself starting to ramble
I used to be draped in the shining armor of the white knight but after the venom that ran through my vains was spewed I'm in distress like damsel
Perhaps I should come to terms that this is my life
Maybe I should make it all right
Apologize for being an ass and deceiving you
This is the best way to reach you all should this be last night
Atone for what I've done
Lord will this ensure my place in your kingdom?
Or should I get used to the summers heat, A/C off Satan burns my building
Easy feat considering a house of cards is flammable
I just pray that you forgive me
I'm a changed man see

(C) 2011
All Rights Reserved

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